At Year's End

A year ago yesterday I posted my first blog entry here. I had only recently decided to join the 2007 Soulforce Equality Ride and a few days later I would set out for training in Austin, TX.

I feel as if I should come up with some fun "2007 In Review" type entry but I worry nothing I write could possibly do it justice. So many things have changed in my life, yet in many ways I feel very much the same as I always have been. 2007 was certainly the most unexpected year of my life and I hope that 2008 brings just as many adventures!

I Am Strong

Joan Garry shares with her readers the story of having her family transformed into a comic and muses about whether her orientation is a kryptonite or a superpower.

This deliberation is not something that is uncommon to many gay and transgender individuals. Is being gay a burden to bear? Is being trans a power that propels one forward?

Over at The Point, jason taylor suggests in a comment:

Gays already have all the rights that are necessary to act in their chosen manner and therefore political aggressiveness is just annoying.

Overlooking the fact that gay and trans individuals--and couples, especially--do not have all the same rights, I appreciate part of his point nonetheless. He is correct in later noting that gay groups have a legal right to exist, that gay couples are legally allowed to pair up, and that the government does not prohibit churches from performing purely religious marriages for gay couples (which are completely unrecognized by the state).

Yes, I have a very basic right to exist, tempered as that may be by threat of expulsion from certain schools, firing from any job, removal from my church, ostracization from my family and community... thankfully none of those are problems in my life. I am surrounded by friends who love and support me and who actively seek to lift up my relationships. My co-workers are sensitive to issues of orientation and identity. I go to a church which not only accepts me, but advocates on my behalf. I know that any one of the pastors would be happy to marry me. And I will always have a home with my parents.

And yet I continue to be an advocate.

I remind my co-workers that it is still permissible in New York state to fire someone based soley on his or her gender identity. I tell military recruiters that I considered serving my country in that way but I am not allowed to. I talk about the importance of marriage equality to my straight friends. I explain the intersection of my faith and my identity to my pastor from home.

But do not feel sorry for me that I cannot get married in my home state. Do not pity me that the Evangelical Presbyterian Church which I grew up finds me "incompatible with the confession of Jesus as Lord." For I have studied the Word of God and I have searched my heart and I have prayed ceaselessly with the Holy Spirit. I have found safe spaces in my life and support in my love. And most importantly I see myself as God sees me: as a perfectly loved child who desires to love and serve the Lord.

When I was on Equality Ride I shared the many things I was told along the way. In a conversation with my good friend Meilee recently, she said to me "There are so many reasons why you could have stopped being a Christian... you 'shouldn't' be a Christian, but you are. I imagine that means something." And I imagine it does, too. The deacon who was my mentor during my church membership class told me something I will never forget: "You don't choose God, God chooses you. And when that happens, God never lets go." Ain't that the truth. A Duke editorial questions "gay pride" but Casey rightly notes, "when there are a million reasons to hide in the shadows and deny who we are, it is right to be proud of honesty and integrity, and yes, that God created us differently and beautifully." I am proud of my God and I am proud of the way God made me and I proud of the mission God has choose for me: to speak for those living in silence and for those living in oppression--not under oppression, but by oppressing others. I might not have realized it at first, but I am that guy.

And so, when I meet with my former pastor to explain what it means to be gay and seek his support, when I ask lawmakers to support equality, when I point out the glaring disparities between gay and straight people in this country, I do not do it for myself. I continue to advocate for the acceptance of gay and trans people because I agree with Bram when he says, "Causing or even allowing any of God's children to feel like something less than His perfectly loved child may be the greatest heresy of the Christian faith." I speak out not for myself but for the members of my church in Maryland, for my pastor, for the elected officials in my state, and even for the administrators at anti-gay Christian schools. I speak out because I understand that they are coming from a place of misinformation and misunderstanding, despite the best of their intentions. I speak out that I may call others to be better, stronger, more Christlike.

And if you are straight, I am not asking for your consolation, or your compassion, your understanding, or your support. I am asking for your action. I am asking for you to rise to the tradition of this great country and--for Christians--to the greatness of your faith. I am not asking for full equality so that I might have it, but so that others might not deny me of it.

So when you realize that I am still a second-class citizen in this country and in many churches, do not feel sorry for me--for I am strong. Are you?

Live Blogging Sam on THE WHEELZ

7:31: "We make dreams" ... it's going to be a great night!
7:32: Sam gets "Bingo Night" in 2.5 seconds AND high-fives the Southern woman next to him
7:34: Sharenda is screaming "BIG MONEY!!!!!" ... does she realize this is Wheel of Fortune and not Whammy!?
7:35: Sam wins the first round. Fight On! And he's jumping up and down. A lot.

7:39: The "Big Money!" phenomenon has spread to the southern woman on the other side of Sam. Dear Sam, If you yell "Big Money" I am calling friends off.
7:40: That was the most excited "L!" I've ever heard. A child at heart! He has used up all the vowels twice now. And won the second round.

7:48: Sam "Lost A Turn" this round. I'm sitting out in protest.

7:50: With only 3 letters on the board, he manages to get "Country Roads Take Me Home"

7:53: "Explain to me again how you solved that puzzle. You're not a life force from another planet are you?"
7:54: "Who did you bring?" "Yoda brought his mom"
7:55: DHC: Dailyz, Hamz, Cleanz. Glorious. + Pistachios + $58,000 + a crying mom from IOWA = a great way to end the show! Oh, and there was more jumping up and down. Duh.

Going Global

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day and I know it is easy for me to think of AIDS Walk, Magic Johnson, or even an aquaintence from USC that I knew who was HIV+. But just as we in America have come to understand that HIV/AIDS affects more than just gay men, I'm also learning to remember that HIV/AIDS affects more then just Americans. I might rarely see their faces, but 22.5 million people in Africa are living with the disease.

Take a look at what The Global Fund is doing to change that:



Hopefully you can be inspi(red) to make a difference.

Talking About The Ts or Activism In Daily Life

Yesterday was Transgender Day of Remembrance and I felt called to be vocal about it with my co-workers. My company's non-discrimination policy does not cover sexual orientation or gender identity but luckily for me, New York state's legislation includes sexual orientation. I composed an email explaining the Day of Remembrance, listing those people remembered this year, and explaining the pending national hate crimes legislation. I also gave information about employment non-discrimination and how gender identity isn't yet covered under NY law--though, hopefully it will be soon! I concluded by telling them ways they could help out: by contact their elected officials regarding hate crimes and GENDA, by contacting my parent company about revising the non-discrimination policy, or by creating our own separate policy.

It was scary.

Having braved Equality Ride and even the Right to Marry campaign, one might think I've got it down. But I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous as I prepared to press send. It is important and it needs to be said and so I hit send.

Today I Became a New Yorker

Leaving work a little later than usual tonight, I was on the B train heading down to Bryant Park to make my transfer to the 7 to go home. The subway pulled up to Rockefeller Center and there were 50-some girls in Macy's Thanksgiving Parade jackets just waiting to get on. I noticed all the heads in the train turn to look at at the girls. The doors opened, the girls hesitated, and then the streamed through three different doors. Moments later the center aisle of my subway car was filled with teen girls in white winter jackets. The contrast between the black- and gray-clothed New Yorkers lining the sides of the car struck me immediately.

And as the girls filled in and the train began to move, I had more than one silent-conversation with locals around me. We glanced about the train looking to catch the knowing eye of another New Yorker. I noticed others doing it too. We nodded and smiled to each other, all likely thinking the same thing: "The tourists have arrived."

It's going to be an interesting winter!

Trailer: Ex-Gay Survivor Conference

I know this is a little backwards but here is the trailer for the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference. It's short, sweet, and to the point. It's on YouTube which is more accessible and it's short so if you have a short internet-attention span, don't worry.

Forward to your friends:)

A small price to pay

On March 8, 2007 I was forced to leave the University of Notre Dame and given official warning that if I ever returned, I would be arrested. While visiting the campus during the Equality Ride, a student asked me for more information about our events in South Bend, Indiana. I gave him a schedule--a dinner at a local church, a film screening at the LGBT Center nearby, discussions at a coffee shop--and my contact information.

Because of that, I am barred from any property owned by Notre Dame for life. And it was a small price to pay.

That student came to the church dinner, he joined us again for the film screening, and again for lunch at the coffee shop. He emailed me the day we left letting me know how grateful he was that we had come to his school. We made plans to meet up back in Los Angeles after the ride. I've gotten a few email updates and phone calls from him and at 3:02 pm today, my phone rang again.

I can hear the joy in his voice. He tells me about life at schools, new friends he's made, and achievements he's secured. Even though the ride ended months ago, I am proud to say that I am still an Equality Rider. I am glad that I can be an affirming Christian voice who truly cares about his life--his whole life--and who will be there to listen.

We only interacted for a short period of time but it is moments like this--unexpected phone calls months later--that make me understand how one person can make all of the difference.

I can never go see him be the drum major (if he gets the part), I can never cheer on USC at our biggest rival's stadium, I couldn't even stop there for a pit-stop on my trip across the country. But I would never take back my decision to hand him that piece of paper. It was a small price to pay.

Video: A Different Kind of Change

I was blessed to attend the Ex-Gay Survivor Conference this past June in Irvine, CA to observe and document it. A few months, 3000 miles, and a new computer later: I'm pleased to unveil the conference's documentary. For more information, please be sure to visit www.soulforce.com and www.beyondexgay.com

not that guy

I just read D's post over at (Not So) Straight from Seminary and somehow it was just what I needed to hear tonight. It has been a fruitful two days at Carnegie Mellon (more on that later, I promise) but somehow I feel a little off as I relax on the couch in my suite. D's post helped me think about that feeling and I left the following comment:

Thank you for sharing. I happened onto Soulforce's Equality Ride because after one more conversation with my parents I realized that they weren't changing because I wasn't asking them to change and in the ensuing fit of "I must simply be myself" I applied. And I had personal connections. And I was in. And all of the sudden I realized I wasn't an activist. That I let other people plan the rallies, and teach the talking points. But there I was in a hotel conference room in Austin, Texas. And before long I was in the middle of anti-gay colleges around the country. And I keep thinking to myself "I am just a regular guy from Maryland who got frustrated at his parents one day and applied on a whim and got accepted and decided to trust in God's plan." And now I live in New York City, and I'm out at work, and the past two days I've spent at Carnegie Mellon University as someone they brought in for Pride Month. And I see myself in the mirror and I don't understand. I am not that guy. I am not an activist. I am just a 22 year old boy from Maryland who wants to find love and be loved and exist and serve God and serve others. But here I am. And that is what I'm doing. And I don't know how because I've never been that guy, but I guess I should start realizing that maybe I am. It was an intense day for me... this was just what I needed to make falling asleep tonight a little easier.

I'm happy to know there's another one out there. And maybe in our own ways we can--sometimes willfully, sometimes begrudgingly--be that guy and that girl together.

Arriving at CMU

I just got checked in to my suite near Carnegie Mellon University and am waiting for one of the hosts to come pick me up for our dinner tonight which is cohosted by the Allies program and the Office of Religious Life. I am excited to bring these two groups of people together and get them thinking about how to move forward together. After that, I'll be doing networking some of the Allies folks before "the big day" tomorrow. I was able to compose my thoughts on the flight down and I know that it will go well.

Who would have ever thought that'd I'd be sitting at a table in the living room of a suite near a nationally recognized college for a speaking engagement? I certainly didn't. Life takes you in the most exciting of places.

Yesterday was spent frantically procuring grad school (read: divinity school and seminary) applications and information packets. I remember when I was younger how I felt like a life someway in "the ministry" was the only one I could imagine. I allowed those dreams to be hijacked by anti-gay ideology in the church and count myself blessed to found my way.

It seems they were right when my Sunday school teachers told me that the Lord never gives up.

Take 5 is all grown up

I was watching the USC game this Saturday with the NYC Trojan Alumni Club when I saw this:



I almost died.

Chris had to ask "Didn't you start that show?" because I was too busy being dumbstruk. I'm so proud. To be fair, I merged two pre-existing (awesome) shows that I was already producing. Thankfully co-creator/co-executive producer Justin is still at SC running it all solo now. Glad to see we're still kicking butt!

Get Passionately Pink with qubo!

qubo, the bilingual children’s television I work for, is participating in Passionately Pink for the Cure, a campaign to raise both funds and awareness for breast cancer research. Breast cancer has touched my life in personal ways, affecting close friends and family friends.

qubo is going Passionately Pink for the Cure on October 31 and you can join us. Go to our team page, donate at least $5, and make sure to wear pink on October 31. We'll send you a pink button and some sweet qubo shwag.

You can talk about breast cancer, the campaign to raise money, and just generally make a statement by creating a sea of pink in your school, office, church, or community group. Take a picture of your pink outfit and send in stories of how you're changing the world by changing your clothes.

I was busy preparing for our season-end board meeting and thus am sadly not in this picture:(

Visit http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/Events/KomenTR?team_id=64791&pg=team&fr_id=1040 right now to get on board!

2 Days Until Coming Out

In anticipation of National Coming Out Day, GLAAD released this PSA featuring T.R. Knight from Grey's Anatomy. Enjoy!

TR Knight: National Coming Out Day PSA

And check out this other great promo featuring a slew of actors from popular ABC television shows.

ABC Allies & Friends

Isaiah 66:5

Casey Pick sent this verse out to all of the Right to Marry participants along with a California update. It seemed like something I should pass along...

Hear the word of the Lord, you who tremble at his word. "Your brothers who hate you, and exclude you because of my name, have said 'let the Lord be glorified, that we may see your joy!' Yet they will be put to shame." Isaiah 66:5

Silent T

One step at a time

We built my couch! First piece of furniture = installed.

for the BIBLE tells me so

In the oldest Protestant church in North America, they clapped and clapped and clapped. And then they stood, and clapped some more.

Speaking Up

I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, DC and went to school at USC in Los Angeles. I thought I was insulated from anti-gay thinking. All of my friends were immensely supportive when I came out and my social circle has always included a mixing of gay and straight people.

When my roommate Ryan came home one night in 2006 shaken up with a scratched face, I was confused and concerned. While walking down the street with his boyfriend and our straight-identified friend, Chris, a rowdy group of guys heckled at them from a porch. They threw a beer bottle and taunted them "Where you fags going?" Ryan told them to mind their own business and the three of them continued on their way. I'm told that the next thing Ryan knew he was pushed to the ground. Chris was sucker-punched in the face before Ryan's boyfriend was able to insert himself as a human shield in the shuffle. They managed to walk away and some level-headed party-goers called the guys back in to the party.

I realized that even in Los Angeles, I'm still not safe.

Six months later as I walked through downtown Kansas City with a few friends I noticed myself flinching away from boyfriend's hand as we approached other people. It took a very conscious effort on my part to keep hold of my boyfriend's hand. As we passed straight couples I knew they weren't thinking about their interactions. They didn't have to be brave to walk down the street hand-in-hand.

I wait for the day when society will understand and appreciate all of its members, but in the meantime, I am thankful for legislation that seeks to root out the community terror which bias-based crimes create.

Share your story for why Hate Crimes legislation is important to you at Stop the Hate.

Updates from Jena

Donna Payne is the associate director for diversity at HRC.

-----Original Message-----
From: Donna Payne Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 10:31 AM
Subject: Re: Update in Jena

Jeffrey Johnson, activist from BET said District Atty Walters spoke to them yesterday to justify why they couldn't let Mychal out. He said it was a potential harm that might occur. Jeffrey Johnson said that Walters (DA) pulled the white youth out for press, talking about he was the victim and not to forget the victim. That was a emotional scare tactic used for press, Jeffrey Johnson stated. He asked if Walters was a psychic - since he knew what was going to happen if he was released! Ricky Smiley (black Christian comedian) spoke and asked where were the big bishops of black churches? The ones that were with the Faith Based Intiative, and fighting for the gay marriage amendment. Something that has nothing to do with us, he said.

There was loud clapping.

There is a break now with Christian music being played. Much Christian music is being played!
--------------------------
-----Original Message-----
From: Donna Payne Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 10:55 AM
Subject: Re: Update in Jena

Jesse Jackson has taken the stand. He told us that we are getting ready to march. He wants us to be calm. In the last MLK march in Memphis, before he was killed -rocks were thrown at marchers to provoke them. He wants us to not be distracted. He said we are marching against Federal Hate Crimes. It is not about Jena, but this happens across the country. He has asked that the white and black parents come together. The white parents wanted to talk to him, but they were encouraged not to do this. He says we will take reconciliation over confrontation. Everyone repeats this. Jesse, said we need healing, but we must take glass out of the wound. He puts stories from the Bible to tie it in. He said God will see us through. We will rise. It gets dark sometimes, but who do we fear? We will march until Jena 6 is free. Rise up, fight up, stand up. WEEPEING MAY ENDURE FOR Now, but joy comes in the morning. Leave Jena and go back and fight for all crimes.

I am inspired! I am ready to march! Everyone is ready. They chant: Keep Hope Alive! Stop the violence in FL, NY, MS. Let justice flow like a mighty stream.

Everyone screams! It is time to go!
--------------------------

I don't know what else I could possibly add.