Finding The Next Step

One of my best friends Micah writes today,

i don't want to protest the mormon church.

i don't want to protest city hall (i'll be there on saturday because i think it's important to stand in solidarity and be counted, i just think there are better messaging strategies).

i want to be intentional. i want my actions to make sense. i want to identify and address the source rather than the effects of oppression.

i want connection, narrative, humanity.

vulnerability, integrity, conviction.

i want to do something radical: i want to live my beliefs.

I know that we are both racking our hearts, minds, and souls to find our next steps. There is a part of me that is reacting to a great hurt caused by Proposition 8; but equally there is a recognition that this longing and these next steps are larger than any piece of legislation. My pastor Rev. Lewicki reflected on the movement between inward- and outward-focused energy in the life of faith. It feels as if I'm standing on the edge between inward-focused study, reflection, meditation, and preparation and outward-focused faith in action.

Where are you in life today? Inward-focused or outward-focused? And what do you want? What steps are do you feel called to that are perhaps not the steps you're used to?

Video: Faith, Family, and Identity at Brigham Young University -- Idaho

First of all, I apologize for the severe delay in bringing you this video. It was completed while I was still on the ride but a series of unfortunate events delayed the release. Thanks for sticking with us and continuing to be interested in the Equality Ride.

As a note, Soulforce will be co-sponsoring a New York Marriage Ride this summer from July 14-27. You can visit the site for more information. Soulforce also has an important Ex-Gay Survivors conference coming from June 29 - July 1. Many Soulforce participants have experienced the pain caused by so-called ex-gay therapy. Hopefully this conference can be a place to start the healing process for the countless others who have been victims of anti-gay rhetoric.

And here our video from BYU-I

Concerning Mormonism

As I was looking up searches that had led to hits on my blog, I found BYU-I College Democrats and their post about the then-upcoming Soulforce visit. The author gives a brief explanation of Soulforce and Equality Ride from his perspective and goes on to give his thoughts on the matter. A rather heated exchanged follows in the Comments section. With the ride behind us, I wanted to throw my voice into the mix... hopefully to better clarify our goals for our visits and to aid in a path towards reconciliation. I'll repost my thoughts here:

As one of the riders from the 2007 Soulforce Equality Ride, I'd like to take a little time to comment on the ride in general and the 2007 visits to BYU-Provo and BYU-I.

I know it's a little bit dated but it came up in a Google search I was running...

I hope that the students of BYU-I had time to speak with the riders as we stood oustide of the school or at BYU-Provo as we walked around it for hours. I'm sure if you did you would see that we neither forced a dialogue with anyone we talked to nor did we ever call a person a bigot. Conversations must be two-sided and all of the conversations that I engaged in were consensual, civil, and mutually enriching--even when I spoke to individuals with views different from my own.

I was raised Protestant Christian but over the course of the ride, spent weeks speaking with our LDS riders about the Church and the faith. It is such a beautiful faith, I wish I had been exposed to it earlier in life. I even procured a Book of Mormon which I have begun to read. The RM that I spent the most time speaking with once called attention to the Holy Ghost witnessing to me as well... it was a surreal experience.

But now I am at a crossroads. I am gay. That is an anthropological fact of my existence. The First Presidency and The Twelve Apostles recognize that sexual orientation is often beyond conscious choice and often cannot be changed. They even recommend against opposite-sex marriage for those individuals who have a homosexual orientation.

So now what do I do? I have been presented with this beautiful faith. A faith with much purpose. A faith founded on family. But a faith that tells me I have no place in it. Where do I go and what do I do?

I have seen what other GLBT Mormons have done. They have tried to change themselves--and they have failed. For every major medical, psychological, and sociological organizations agrees that it is impossible to change one's orientation (and the General Authorities tacitly agree).

I have seen them try to hold down relationships with members of the opposite sex. Hoping for normalcy and to fit into this beautiful theological system. But that is not honest. It is not honest to the partner, to the person, or to God.

I have read statements that say there will be no homosexual desires in the next life and that an individual should do everything in his or her power to avoid "sinful behavior." I have known bright, rational, grounded individuals be gradually driven to either contemplate or attempt suicide because they feel it is their only option. And I have seen that once they make peace with the way Heavenly Father created them, once they find supportive family, friends, and Church members... thoughts of suicide would never enter into their mind. These are not clinically depressed individuals, they are individuals who have been pushed to the edge and who know no other option.

Soulforce and the Equality Ride is sometimes misrepresented by school administrations or the media. I have heard it said that we just want to create a media spectacle to further "our agenda." Our only goal truly is to engage in conversations. That is what we do everywhere go. Look at MidAmerica Nazarene, Pepperdine, Fresno Pacific, George Fox, Seattle Pacific, Northwest, Northwest Nazarene, Dordt, and others. We spent hours and sometimes days in honest, Christ-centered dialogue about who we are as individuals and what we believe in and why. I know that at every school stop where the West Bus was on campus, administrators told us that they were happy to have us and that while we disagree, the conversations were mutually enriching. I would second that opinion. We can still learn from one another and grow to understand one another better.

In places like Provo, Rexburg, Billings, and Ellendale where the schools would not let us on campus, we had conversations nonetheless. I attended a student discussion group in Provo with over 75 BYU students present. We hosted dinner conversations and picnics in parks. We talked in restaurants, coffee shops, and on street corners. We listened and we learned.

At each stop I learned so much about the denominations of the school and of the individuals in attendance. I took away so much from the past two months, from every encounter that I had, and I'd like to think that I made an impression on at least a few people along the way.

Change happens. In society, slavery was abolished and so was segregation. In the LDS faith, blacks were allowed to enter the priesthood and plural marriage came to an end. Only the Prophet has the power to enact sweeping change but in the meantime, we are allowed to talk about it. There was discussion about blacks in the priesthood long before the change took place. Learning more about our GLBT brothers and sisters is not sinful, nay it is necessary. Nor does engaging in this conversation mean we must abandon our beliefs. Just because change happened in the past, doesn't mean it will happen in the future. Even if no one ever changes their attitudes (which, is entirely a person's right), conversation and growing understanding will still be beneficial. We are all Heavenly Father's children...I can't imagine Jesus not wanting to know us better!

I understand that we are all imperfect humans and thus sometimes people react in less then Christ-like ways when they find out someone is gay, but only through openly and candidly addressing these issues can we hope for improvement.

It was my honest desire at every stop not to change anyone's mind but to learn more about them and tell them more about myself. To hear about their faith journey and to share my own. Four GLBT youths take their life every day, this is something we need to talk about.

I hope if the Equality Ride returns to BYU-I next year you will take some time out of your schedule to go speak with them. I think you'd find we have much in common. And if not, feel free to email us. I would be happy to talk with you or put you in contact with one of our LDS riders.

This is an issue that is dividing the country and ripping families a part. I would like to be a part of the solution and I would like you to be as well. And I think that the first step is talking to one another. That's all I'm asking.

Brian
brian@equalityride.com

Looking back, I worry that I did not adequately answer the blogger's question, "What are they trying to do?" Or maybe, why are we trying to do this. BYU-I (and other colleges we visit) may not actively "teach homophobia" or hold anti-gay rallies, but the policies they hold and the positions they espouse regarding sexual orientation marginalize, silence, and relegate GLBT members of the faith. This is spiritually, emotionally, and psychological damaging to the individual. It is also my belief that is damaging to God's community on Earth. We come to these schools to bring a different perspective. A perspective that affirms individuals who happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. We come to speak about our experiences as GLBT individuals and as believers. We come to support those students who are suffering in silence on these campuses. We come to be present, to be witnesses. We come because these beliefs are causing mothers to wish death upon their sons, causing sisters to leave the faith, causing loved ones to kill themselves.

We come because this conversation is too important not to have.

Playing in the park

I just returned from our community picnic in Porter Park, Rexburg, ID. The turnout was very encouraging. There were students, community members young and old, and even some families. I was able to speak with a few students and had the joy of listening to a straight freshman talk about how he tries to be supportive to his gay friends, both LDS and non-LDS. A positive effect I have noticed first hand is that Equality Ride helps to pull the supporters out of the woodwork. They are able to realize they aren't the only ones who hold differing opinions. And when they find us, it enables us to put students in contact with them!

If there are any students at schools on the Equality Ride route or in nearby communities, I'd be happy to put you in contact with supportive peers and parents in the area

Conversations in the Latter Days: Our time at Brigham Young University Idaho

BYU-Idaho, like BYU in Provo, refused to let us on to campus. We were still able to have a highly successful day in Rexburg nonetheless. There is a public road that goes into campus which we were able to be on. We stood in vigil outside of the campus, holding pictures of our families--a fundamental part of the LDS faith, yet something that is being torn apart by school policy and church doctrine regarding LGBT people.

Throughout the day we had riders standing at the intersection, greeting students as they went to and from the dorms and their classes. Despite harsh letters from the administrators, there were still students willing to stop and talk with us. In fact, many came out specifically to talk to us. To me, this demonstrates an immense bravery on the part of the students. They are so thirsty for this conversation that they are willing to risk disciplinary action from the administration (who had posted security guards to watch who was talking to us). One of them walked past the vigil line and said, "Hello Jillian, how are you today?" It was a very surreal day.

I found that many of these students simply had not stopped to consider what they had been taught about sexual orientation and gender identity. I know that many people walked away with "lots to think about." I was among them. I learned even more about the LDS faith than I had from Emil, Mike, and Matt thus far. And I really learned to examine what I believe in and why. I learned to listen. And I got to meet dozens of new people.

Among the students who stopped to talk with us were some wrestling with their sexual orientation or gender identity. For their protection, I won't describe the conversation other than to say it is unfortunate that these students must continue to suffer in silence within the walls of their institution. I am thankful for every conversation I had. And I am hopeful that other GLBT students felt affirmed simply by our presence, even if they could not bring themselves to talk with us.

Today we decided not to return to campus in light of the events at Virginia Tech. We wanted to process and mourn amongst ourselves and allow BYU-ID to do the same. As I walked to the local grocery store with a few other riders, we went past The Backyard--a restaurant near our hotel. We heard someone say "Are you with Soulforce?" We looked and found an employee who was walking in to the building. We said yes and she literally jumped for joy, screamed, and gave me a big hug. She tried to meet up with us yesterday she said, but couldn't find us. We told her about the picnic at Porter's park tonight at 5:00pm and she's going to come!

Six weeks into the ride, I would think that I would stop having "Wow, that just made this all worth it" moments. But I still have them. This trip has been worth it so many times over already, and I'm sure with our upcoming stops we will continue to impact even more lives.

And now it's time for me to leave for the park!

Equality Ride and the LDS Church

This year's Equality Ride will stop at two Latter Day Saints schools this year, BYU and BYU-Idaho. Last year Equality Ride stopped at BYU and were able to speak with students. When riders attempted to speak with groups, they were arrested. Later, a protest honoring the GLBT BYU students who have killed themselves drew more arrests. The Equality Ride organizers, as well as the riders ourselves, see the current policies of the LDS church as a threat to the mental, physical, and spiritual safety of GLBT individuals. We will be returning to BYU and adding BYU-Idaho to our stop list because of this.

In anticipation of the upcoming visits, Affirmation, an organization for gay & lesbian Mormons, recently featured an interview with Matt Kulisch.

Matt Kulisch, 24, became well known one year ago when, as a BYU student, he decided to join the Soulforce Equality Ride demonstration held at his own campus and led a “die-in” event in remembrance of gay Mormon suicides. Matt, who has since transferred to the University of Utah, is one of four young people with an LDS background who will participate in this year’s ride as it stops at BYU, BYU-Idaho, and some 15 other religious colleges that discriminate against LGBT students.

The Equality Ride will visit BYU on March 21-22 and BYU-Idaho on April 16-17. For more information on these four Riders of LDS background, and to help sponsor their Ride, please visit the pages for Mike Cramer, Matt Kulisch, Kourt Osborn, and Emil Pohlig at www.soulforce.org/2007riders.

One year ago, as a BYU student, you joined the historic demonstration that the Equality Ride was organizing at BYU and, as a result of your participation, you were placed on probation. Had you planned to play such an active role in that demonstration?

Honestly, no. I didn’t, at least not initially. Several of my roommates and friends had been following the Equality Ride as it was traveling towards BYU, and they had been communicating with the Riders in preparation for their visit. I didn’t decide to get involved until the day the Equality Ride arrived in Provo. But a friend of mine had just lost someone to suicide because he was gay and couldn’t reconcile his feelings with his religious beliefs, and another very close friend had come out to his family the very day the Ride came to BYU—it went pretty badly. I decided to demonstrate for myself, and for them.

One thing I found interesting is that you were not disciplined for being gay, but for refusing to remain silent. Do you think BYU is a healthy environment for gay and lesbian students?

I think you have just identified BYU’s true policy toward their LGBT students: You’re welcome so long as you’re submissive and silent, which is a pretty poor way of following the counsel of LDS church leaders on the subject. Any environment that does not offer LGBT students—or any other minority group, for that matter—a voice to speak their minds and share their concerns is not a healthy environment. BYU is certainly no exception.

Read the full article here

It is with a heavy heart and a renewed resolve that I prepare to stop at BYU, BYU-Idaho, and other stops that so forcefully oppose our presence. I am inspired by the stories of individuals such as Matt and Kourt Osborn. I am blessed to know them and I know that they will be a blessing to the students we will encounter at these schools.