Today, I did not smoke 59 cigarettes

At the Northeastern LGBT Conference, workshop leader Jessica Pettitt, while speaking about advocacy, made an analogy to her efforts to quit smoking. "At my peak, I was smoking sixty cigarettes. Sometimes I would quit for an hour, sometimes for a day. Ultimately what worked was when I found a buddy and when I started thinking from a place of power." Instead of viewing each cigarette as failure which would lead to a downward spiral only fueling further addiction, Pettitt learned to take stock of the positives in her life. "If I smoked a cigarette at noon, that was 29 cigarettes I didn't smoke. That is much more encouraging to help me get through the rest of the day. At the end of the day, I could say, look what I accomplished, Today, I did not smoke 59 cigarettes. That's something to be proud of.'"

Jessica's example is applicable in different areas in my life. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the effects of my behavior, specifically my consumption. What does it really cost for me to run the water, to buy new tshirts, to throw out plastic bags, to let food spoil, to run the air-conditioning, to eat meat, to consume non-local food. It sounds overwhelming. But rather than focus on the catastrophe of overconsumption, Jessica Pettitt's approach to quitting cigarettes provides a helpful way to view life: as a series of accomplishments.

I shared recently how, though I've adopted a vegetarian diet, recently, I've been eating meat. I also run the air-conditioner, buy snacks that I don't need, and search Uncrate for things to get myself. Without erasing the effects meat consumption, non-renewable energy, and selfish consumption, I am able to recognize the flip side of my actions. Every time I turn on the AC at night, I've gone all day leaving it off. For every indulgence, there are countless more acts of restraint.

So yes, I eat meat. But I also go stretches without eating meat. I run the after work some days, but I leave it off all day and usually all night. I'm probably going to buy an iPhone in December but I rarely drive. I'm finding simple victories every day and counting them all as cigarettes I did not smoke.

I Eat Meat

Once, I posted the trailer to my movie AFTER I posted the completed video. I'm doing things in a round-about way again. I wrote this post a few days ago but kept it in the Drafts folder because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to post it. It seems now that I've already answered my own question. Still, I learned something about myself in the process of writing this and so I imagine there is value in it, even as I've begun to answer the questions.

-Brian

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I eat meat. I understand meat production in America as not only violent to those directly involved in the process but as selfishly deflecting resources away from the country's and the world's hungry. I understand all of that and yet tonight I ate a chicken sandwich from Quizno's.

Were the occasional, self-satisfying meat consumption my only shortcoming. As I work to model the life of Jesus, I become painfully aware of how short I've come.

My first time attending The Haven, we remarked that non-Christians and Christians have no noticeable differences when it comes to “being good people.” I serve a holy, strong, merciful, bold, just, courageous, loving, and sacrificing God and yet my atheist friends embody these characteristics just as much as I. When others look at me, do they see a self-obsessed, self-righteous, arrogant young man who views himself and the world through the lens of his own piety? In the tension between freedom and works, do I prefer the latter, have I lost sight of faith? Do I remember Paul's words to the Galatians? “How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” Is faith-guided activism simply an attempt at self-justification, through not only action but through profession of faith?

Perhaps worse still, do I use freedom as a Get Out Of Jail Free card? Have I allowed Paul's reminder that “Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you don't get tied up again in slavery to the law,” to excuse my own shortcomings? For as much as I talk about creating change in my own life, I see an awful lot of the status quo.

In the end, tofu will not be enough. I count on the One who did more than I will accomplish and now it is time, as Jay put it, to Put Up or Shut Up.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with action and in truth. - 1 John 3:18

What will my love look like?