Despite the hurt, ain't gonna let nobody

Two days after the stinging passage of Proposition 8 in California, a deep ache pierces my stoic exterior. As I resolve to not wallow in anger or vent aimlessly and I begin to take action, I feel my soul moving and a movement stirring as news comes in from Los Angeles:



It is time.

"Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around" has been a constant refrain in the literal march for justice. It was sung during the quest for racial integration "Ain't gonna let nobody turn me around, gonna keep on walkin', keep on talkin', marchin' up to Freedom Land." "Ain't gonna let no Jim Crow turn me around," "Ain't gonna let no fire hose turn me around."



On the Equality Ride, leaders who sang those songs passed them along to us adding "Ain't gonna let homophobia, turn me around," "Ain't gonna let administrators turn me around," "Ain't gonna let no handcuffs turn me around, gonna keep on walkin', keep on talkin', gonna build a brand new world."

Today let us add another verse "Ain't gonna let me no proposition turn me around." To walking, and talking, in the streets, in churches, synagogues, and mosques, in our living rooms, and our classrooms, in city halls, in public parks, from the margins to the center of power ... to building our brand new world!

An Open Letter to California Queers

We didn't think it could really happen. The court handed down a compelling decision, the weddings had begun, photos were spreading, presents were streaming in, joy was contagious. This is California, we are safe. A few Facebook notes and status updates, along with perhaps a donation or two, would suffice in maintaining our civil rights. Nevermind only our like-minded friends read our Facebook and our blogs. Nevermind the polls. Nevermind the Mormon Church. There were rallies in West Hollywood and San Fransisco. Gavin Newsom gave a speech. “It's here whether you like it or not,” we were promised. We could observe from a distance, from the comfort of our living rooms, safely removed by a computer monitor.

But it did happen, didn't it? Five million one hundred sixty three thousand nine hundred eight people voted in favor of Proposition 8. Five million! Can you even wrap your mind around that number? I cannot. And here's the rub: those five million people aren't bad people, some of them even have gay friends. Five million Californians decided that it was good conscience and a good use of government to remove my constitutional equality and deny me marriage. Many (most?) of them may have felt this position is in line with the way the world is or should be—heterosexual relationships only.

And so today I'm not angry—I'm not going to yell about the bigots—I am challenged. There are five million people in the state of California that I have not reached. They do not know me and know what I bring to our community. Worse, they felt compelled to vote against fundamental rights for other humans. That is an awful place to be.

As I begin to wrap my mind around what Proposition 8 means for myself, my future relationships, my friends, and my country, I pause. Facebook status updates and blog posts were not enough to stave off Proposition 8, I cannot allow myself to believe that they will undo it. If history has anything to teach us, it is that great change does not come without great sacrifice--time, comfort, money, energy. Reaching out to Latino Catholics, Republicans in Central CA, Mormon neighbors, anti-gay co-workers, our sweet but uninformed grandparents, our cousins, even our vaguely supportive friends, and on and on; not with posters, stickers, signs or chants but with relationships and over shared meals and experiences. Deep connections, real enrollment. This is my plea to queer folks and our friends: do not update your Facebook status anymore about Prop 8, do not write another blog post about how insulted, offended, hurt, betrayed or disappointed you are. Take those feelings and that time and channel them toward the five million Californians who failed to connect with your humanity.

This is what I am going to do:

• Write a card to all of my queer married friends in California, expressing my love and support
• Host a small group at my church to unpack the decision, convey its effects, and further the movement toward acceptance and advocacy within our denomination.
• Visit my elected officials to enroll their support for marriage equality in my state and return to visit as often.

From here out, I will only update my status or write blog posts to speak about my actions. I realized today that five million Californians didn't fail me, I failed five million Californians, and I— we—can change that.

When it comes to power, under is never equal

It's a busy day and I do not have time for my own writing today. Hectic work schedule followed by phone banking at the Task Force tonight. However, a post by Mimi Haddad came across my reader that I had to pass along.

Here is a fierce excerpt:

Gender is not the basis upon which authority in marriage or the church is determined. Remember, Paul tells all Christians to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). Wives have authority over their husbands’ bodies, just as husbands have authority over their wives’ bodies (1 Corinthians 7:4). Paul celebrates the spiritual authority of female apostles (Romans 16:1); prophets (1 Corinthians 11:3-5, 1 Corinthians 14:31, Acts 2:17; 21:9); house church leaders (Romans 16:13-15, 40, 1 Corinthians 1:11, 1 Corinthians 16:19, Philemon 1:2, and 2 John 1:1); deacons (Romans 16:1); teachers of the gospel (Acts 18:26); evangelists (Philemon 4:3, Romans 16:3); and those who do the very heaviest of gospel-labor (Romans 16:12). Paul calls others to submit to Stephanas’ entire household (1 Corinthians 16:15-16), including slaves as well as women who were part of this household ministry. Slaves, free, Greeks, Jews, men, women, the educated, and the illiterate shared spiritual authority — as they shared in the risen life of Christ (Galatians 3:27-29). And, this oneness in Christ would one day overturn slavery and the subjugation of women.

Everywhere, USA

I drove all night long through middle-of-nowhere Montana in a bus with twenty-four people I'd known for less than two months. Only twenty-four hours prior I stood in the freezing rain with winds up to 30 miles-per-hour for hours on end. We were on our way to North Dakota and in twenty-fours, I would be standing with these people in the middle of a small-town war zone: police cars and vans, wire fencing, concrete barriers, mobile command units, an ambulance, evacuation teams on stand-by and two streets closed down. Ellendale, North Dakota has a population of 3,000; this was big.

What could twenty-five young adults do to provoke responses of such intensity? Proclaim an affirming message to queer young people: "God loves and affirms you just as you are!"

This is the Equality Ride.

It's a two month long, cross-country, take it to the streets, non-violent direct action campaign which seeks reconciliation between faith and identity and today the bus sets out for the first school of the third ride. Modeled after the work of Gandhi, King, Jr., and others, the Soulforce Q Equality Ride recognizes misunderstanding and misinformation—not individuals—as the source of homophobia and transphobia. We confront the hurtful teachings which fuel spiritual violence . Liberation comes not only for the gay and transgender people who are finally able to accept and love themselves, often returning to and reclaiming their faith, but also for the former oppressors who are now able to understand their faith more fully.

Some organizations branded us radical gay activists, but I'm not sure if I deserve that title. You see, I'm really rather ordinary. As I was searching for something to do after graduation, I found the opportunity to share my story with America and ask America to learn from me. I had never participated in an advocacy campaign, nor studied queer theology, nor received any training in public speaking, event planning, community organizing, or any of the numerous other fields I would need to master. But that didn't matter. I was enough.

I have an abiding faith that God of this Universe created me with intentionality. And when God created me, God called the creation good. I have not always known what my purpose was, I still don't. I have struggled to make sense of how sexual orientation and gender identity fit into God's creative plan for humanity. I loved the Equality Ride because I was able to move from theory to reality. Anti-gay rhetoric is devastating. It isolates people from their faith, their family and their communities; it destroys integrity when it forces an individual into the closet; it fosters shame and turns people inward; it inhibits the growth of healthy relationships; and it, unfortunately, often manifests itself through violence, against self and inflicted by others onto queer people. As truth creates justice, lives are released. Gay and straight alike are set free to experience faith, love, and healing in powerful ways. The good fruits of affirming theology are evident: reconciliation with family, friends, and community; return to faith; healthy relationships; holistic understanding of self; outward-focused productivity; and the list goes on. The beauty is that these fruits are not for queer people to feast on in isolation, but to share with heterosexuals. When I ask my straight friends to love me, I don't need them to stand up for me; I want them to grow with me.

The Equality Ride showed me that anyone can be an advocate. I did it, you can do it. My journey was across the country but perhaps your journey is down the hall to a co-worker's office, across town to your church, or back home to your parent's house. Or perhaps your journey is getting on the bus. All around the world, people are waiting to be asked to love their gay and transgender friends and family. Let's tell them it's time.

To see this year's riders, visit: www.soulforce.org/2008riders

iTunes Debut

As part of the Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights kick-off, I was invited to speak at Jay Bakker's church, Revolution NYC, which meets in Pete's Candy Store, a bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. The sermon, also featuring Rev. Vince Anderson, and Jay, is available as part of Revolution's free iTunes podcast.

Just One Issue, or No Rights for Faggots Pt. 2

Brandy recently expressed her frustration that acceptance of gay and transgender people as full members of faith and society can be "just one issue" among many that can be intellectually weighed in an assessment of a politician or theologian. "Richard Hays is a brilliant scholar, he's just wrong on this one issue." Barack Obama is an inclusive leader, he's just wrong on this one portion, of this one issue. My pastor from Maryland, Dave, is a great guy, he's just wrong on this one issue.

And we, gay and transgender people, are supposed to give these otherwise nice, smart, insightful, or charismatic individuals a pass. After all, it's just one issue. Theories of economics and governance are debatable. Political and even theological priorities are debatable. The effectiveness of various types of education are debatable. When to repave the local road or how many books to order for the library each year are debatable. My humanity is not up for debate. If we believe that being gay or transgender is not a sin, then to say otherwise is to take what God has made good and to call it sinful. It is to put oneself squarely opposite of God.

I understand there is process involved in understanding sexual orientation and gender identity. It was a long process for me. Some gay people I know are still on that journey. Many straight people are just now being asked to begin the process. I respect that.

But when assessing the spiritual insight of men like Richard Hays, we must firmly and decisively say: His insight to God is fundamentally lacking. When judging Senator Obama's leadership: His insight into the fabric of America and family is fundamentally lacking. When assessing Dave's performance: His ability to pastor is fundamentally lacking. This one issue affects countless number of people in real and immediate ways. For straight people, it is mental assent; for gay people, it is sanity, stability, safety, and often even shelter. It is not just one issue.

In recent days, I've had to deal with the emotional trauma of "this one issue." I found out that one of my best friends' boyfriend is on the wrong side of "this one issue." I was shocked because this friend really gets it. "I don't need to hear it from you, this is hard for me too," was her reply to my dropped jaw. But "hard" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what this is for me. For her, this is internal dissonance. The values she holds dear in conflict with one she loves. For me this is my ability to marry, to participate in church, to be protected under the law, to exist in society.

She stood with me and heard the man shout "No rights for faggots" and was offended. She told her boyfriend about it and I'm sure he was offended too. How noble of him. But at the end of the day, that's what he believes: No rights for faggots. The man in the van just said it more clearly than this boyfriend, or Richard Hays, or Barack Obama, or Dave has ever expressed.

When you say I love you but refuse to marry me. When you say I love you but you refuse to learn from me. When you say I love you but refuse to protect me. When you say you love me but refuse to stand with me, you're letting the man in the van speak for you, and he's saying "No rights for faggots!"

It came without lawers, no papers to sort! It came without licenses, came without courts!

In a recent thread that touched upon marriage equality in California regardless of gender, FriarThom offered this Dr. Suess adaption:

How the Grinch Stole Marriage
–by Mary Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz
(with apologies to Dr. Suess.)

Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot……
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!

The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.

“And they’re buying their tuxes!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow’s the first Gay Wedding! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from coming!”

For, tomorrow, he knew… All the Gay girls and boys
would wake bright and early. They’d rush for their vows!
And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!

And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the small,
would stand close together, all happy and blissing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start kissing!

“I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! …But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know what to do!” The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and his hood.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy word!
“With this beard and this cross, I look just like our Lord!”

“All I need is a Scripture…” The Grinch looked around.
But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch…? No! The Grinch simply said,
“With no Scripture on Marriage, I’ll fake one instead!”
“It’s one man and one woman,” the Grinch falsely said.

Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the Grinch.
The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
“These bennies,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most uncanny,
around the whole room, and he took every benny!
Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a chill,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his bill.

Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding Cake.
He cleaned out that icebox and made it look straight.
He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed bag!

“And NOW!” grinned the Grinch, “I will pocket their Rings.”
And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to shove
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “My, oh, my, why?”
“Why are you taking our Wedding Rings? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Shepherd sneered,
“The judges are evil, the other states weird.”
“I’ll fix the rings there and I’ll bring them back here.”

It was quarter past dawn… All the Gays, still a-bed,
all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and fled.
“Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!” he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
“They’re finding out now no Gay Marriage is coming!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry Boo-Hoo!”

He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the small,
was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
He HADN’T stopped Marriage from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!”
“It came without licenses, came without courts!”
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe Marriage,” he thought, “doesn’t come from the court.
Maybe Marriage…perhaps… comes right from the heart.
Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays say.
Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is Gay.”
And what happened then…? Well…in Gayville they say
that the Grinch’s small brain grew three sizes that day!

And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised for life.
They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her Wife.
The Husbands were happy, to each other they vowed
To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
They told all their neighbors and friends of their Spouse,
They told of their Marriage and sharing their house.
They said “We got Married.” They shouted it loud.
Their marital status was “Married and Proud.”

And the minute his heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay birdseed bags!
And he… …HE HIMSELF… hung the Gay Rainbow Flag!
…

The Lord looked down, at the proud and the tall,
and said “These are my children, and I love them all.”

What's with the 'tude, dude?

Surfing around YouTube, I found this video with Chuck Colson, Greg Boyd, and Shane Claiborne. What strikes me is that though Shane does not come out and say "It's OK to be gay" his approach to the issue is strikingly different than Chuck Colson's, who immediately associates being gay with AIDS and then dismisses the observation that Christians are described as anti-gay above all else.



I feel drawn to hear more of Shane's thoughts, my stomach turned as Chuck carried on at the end of the video.

Today, I did not smoke 59 cigarettes

At the Northeastern LGBT Conference, workshop leader Jessica Pettitt, while speaking about advocacy, made an analogy to her efforts to quit smoking. "At my peak, I was smoking sixty cigarettes. Sometimes I would quit for an hour, sometimes for a day. Ultimately what worked was when I found a buddy and when I started thinking from a place of power." Instead of viewing each cigarette as failure which would lead to a downward spiral only fueling further addiction, Pettitt learned to take stock of the positives in her life. "If I smoked a cigarette at noon, that was 29 cigarettes I didn't smoke. That is much more encouraging to help me get through the rest of the day. At the end of the day, I could say, look what I accomplished, Today, I did not smoke 59 cigarettes. That's something to be proud of.'"

Jessica's example is applicable in different areas in my life. Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the effects of my behavior, specifically my consumption. What does it really cost for me to run the water, to buy new tshirts, to throw out plastic bags, to let food spoil, to run the air-conditioning, to eat meat, to consume non-local food. It sounds overwhelming. But rather than focus on the catastrophe of overconsumption, Jessica Pettitt's approach to quitting cigarettes provides a helpful way to view life: as a series of accomplishments.

I shared recently how, though I've adopted a vegetarian diet, recently, I've been eating meat. I also run the air-conditioner, buy snacks that I don't need, and search Uncrate for things to get myself. Without erasing the effects meat consumption, non-renewable energy, and selfish consumption, I am able to recognize the flip side of my actions. Every time I turn on the AC at night, I've gone all day leaving it off. For every indulgence, there are countless more acts of restraint.

So yes, I eat meat. But I also go stretches without eating meat. I run the after work some days, but I leave it off all day and usually all night. I'm probably going to buy an iPhone in December but I rarely drive. I'm finding simple victories every day and counting them all as cigarettes I did not smoke.

An Unassuming Milestone

A month late reporting, but better late than never! With no fanfare, actors Jake Silberman and Van Hassis--who play the daytime "super couple" Noah and Luke on CBS's As The World Turns--present Ellen DeGenres with a Daytime Emmy. Luke and Noah are daytime's first gay male relationship and on-screen kiss. Actors portraying a holistic gay couple on daytime television presented an openly gay female daytime talk show host with an Emmy.



Look, there we are!

Congratulations California!

I have been tempted to rush a blog post off about California's recent decision. I've already seen 6 scroll past on my Google Reader and I've received (literally) 17 IMs about the case. I won't even bother linking to coverage because by now, only 3.5 hours later, you've probably read most of it. I'm going to give myself some time to digest the significance of what was just accomplished. And since I'm flying to Los Angeles tonight, I'm going to revel in the moment a bit before I put it all out in writing.

I will say though that I have been filled with overriding sense of happiness. My Facebook News Feed is now almost completely full of status changes about the decision. As I talk to friends, I hear that they too have been receiving happy IMs about it. The country is a buzz, justice is contagious.

Cheers!

Uncomfortable Anxiousness

With the California Supreme Court decision for marriage equality less than an hour away, I am uncomfortably anxious. In the past weeks, I have responded that I am "cautiously optimistic" when asked my thoughts on the case. Soon, I will be either excited or disappointed.

Having spent four years in California, I feel invested in this decision. As with the Maryland court case, I am reminded of the interesting position I find myself. Men and women I do not know will determine the validity of my relationships. Ability to form long-term relationships, affect on children, influence on the political climate ... very personal parts of my life are up for public debate.

It is uncomfortable for me and in that uncomfortable place I find strength. It is uncomfortable for the "Arab looking" man who is always stopped at airport security. It is uncomfortable for the black youth getting suspicious glances from subway patrons. It is uncomfortable for the female presidential candidate who is called a conniving bitch while all the men are bold and determined leaders.

And so today, I will not let this decision define me. If it is positive, I will celebrate and if it is negative, I will take a moment to grieve. But always I will continue striving for a world in which justice rolls down like water.

"How do I feel about the gays?"

At the Middle Church street fair, she spoke to the lady next to me who was passing out information about a theatre company. Their conversation was casual and ordinary. As she walked over to me, she surveyed the materials on the table, information about Soulforce NYC and various publications from national. Then she looked up at me,

"How do I feel about the gays?"

She asked as if it mattered, that her assessment of my humanity would mean something.

"I like you all."

It sounded a bit off, I wondered if she might have a mental or emotional disability which effected her interactions. But still, I heard it as if I should be grateful for approval. But that is not what she was saying.

"I used to be homeless. When I was pregnant and living on the street, three gay guys came up to me one day and said "You are coming with us." They picked me up and took me with them. "You need to be eating for two now," and they took care of me until I gave birth.

She grabbed my hand to shake and pulled me in to kiss my cheek. "Gay people took care of me when I needed it, there will always be a special place in my heart for you." She collected one of each publication we had on the table. "They didn't forget me and I won't forget you. I'm going to do everything I can for you."

She scribbled her name, number, and address down in case I ever want to talk. And then she hugged me and walked away. I hope I get to see her again.

And to the three gay men who took care of Lucille all those years ago, thank you. By touching her life, you touched mine as well.

Voices Not Heard

Today, hundreds of thousands of students around the country will mark today as a Day of Silence. Gay and transgender people, especially young people, are often intimidated into silence by fear and misunderstanding which perpetuates a culture of homophobia. They are silent about their lives, silent about their relationships, and silent in the face of injustice. It is a silence that does not end at graduation, in many parts of the country gay and transgender people are silent in their workplaces for fear of being fired. An estimated 65,000 members of the armed services are silent, despite—and often because of--the crucial roles many of them play. Even still, the military discharges two gay people every day.

It was silence that taught a 14-year old student in California to execute his gay and gender non-conforming classmate Larry at pointblank during class just this year.

Today young people around the country are silent to draw attention to the voices that are not being heard. As you go through your day, I ask you to consider the voices you are not hearing. Friend, family member, neighbor, co-worker, acquaintance from church, parent from school.

At the end of the day, these young people will break the silence and ask “What are we doing to end the silence?” I pose that question to you. What are you doing to end the silence? 90% of the Fortune 500 companies include sexual orientation in their non-discrimination. ION’s (and by extension qubo’s) non-discrimination policy does not include sexual orientation. What does that silence say about our workplace? In New York, a worker can be fired from her job solely because of her gender identity. What does that silence say about our state? In certain churches and synagogues, gay and transgender are not welcome, what does that silence say about our communities of faith?

The Day of Silence is a powerful display for individuals trapped in silence, for many it empowers them to break their own silence. With families, friendships, and lives on the line, silence is disastrous. Please feel free to come to me if you want to talk about any of these issues and how they might relate to your life and the lives of those around you.

However, there are still places in this country where the conversation is not happening. In October and November, 25 young adults will travel to colleges and universities which discriminate against gay and transgender students; places where breaking the silence could result in expulsion. Recognizing that this conversation is too important not to have, these young adults will go undeterred. I had the privilege of taking that journey last year. Along the way, some schools engaged in dialogue, others refused, but everywhere I saw the healing and transformative power of opening up with one another. You can find more information online at www.equalityride.com and can even donate to this fall’s ride.

I hope you’ll take a moment with me today to listen for the voices we aren’t hearing.

2 Days Until Coming Out

In anticipation of National Coming Out Day, GLAAD released this PSA featuring T.R. Knight from Grey's Anatomy. Enjoy!

TR Knight: National Coming Out Day PSA

And check out this other great promo featuring a slew of actors from popular ABC television shows.

ABC Allies & Friends

Silent T

A Milestone in Iowa

“Couples, such as Plaintiffs, who are otherwise qualified to marry one another may not be denied licenses to marry or certificates of marriage or in any other way prevented from entering into a civil marriage…by reason of the fact that both persons compromising such a couple are of the same sex.”
-- Judge Robert B. Hanson

An Iowa district court handed down a decision acknowledging that the right to marry is a right that extends to all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation. They also acknowledged taht Iowa's current law limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples is unconstitutional. Kudos to the justices who deliberated on this case and I hope that Iowa Supreme Court will also uphold this basic human right.

The Polk County recorder has already begun issuing marriage licenses to couples and of course the plaintiffs were amongst the first to fill out an application.

CNN, Windy City Times, and Post-Bulletin report.

An unexpected start to work

As I sat at my desk this morning, reading over the stacks of paper required of new employees and signing off on countless agreements, guidelines, handbooks, and policies, I was struck with something I wasn't expecting to find at 11:00am, thirty-two stories above New York City: marriage equality really matters.

After I read through the distinctions between part-time and full-time employees and the amount of paid vacation alloted per year, I got to the section on bereavement leave:

The policy covers the death of the employee's spouse, child(ren), parents, parents-in-law, brothers, sisters, and grandparents.

If I were to have a husband someday soon (and I hope to have one!), under existing laws he wouldn't legally be considered my husband. Would I have to work those days or worry about losing my job?

But full equality goes beyond creating and enforcing laws, what really matters is creating a society that honors and respects all its citizens. When I got to the sections describing how hiring and promotion decisions are based solely on merit and not prejudicial characteristics, I felt a pit in my stomach as I read over the non-discrimination policy:

race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, or any other
characterstic protected by law.

I gave a sigh of relief to know that in New York state, sexual orientation is protected in employment non-discrimination (and gender identity too!), but not only did I feel as if the company was only including me because they were compelled by law to do so, I also realize realize that my work has offices and stations around the country in places that don't have protective legislation. What about those people?


I'm sure that today will be only one of many days when I will come face-to-face with the very real differences between my rights and responsiblities and those of my straight American counterparts. I look forward to the day when such occurences are memories of the distant past, but they won't become a part of the past unless we work in the present to change things.

As a queer person, I can only do so much. Which is why I'm excited by Soulforce's latest campaign, Seven Straight Nights For Equal Rights, which empowers and emboldens straight Americans to take up the banner of LGBT equality, knowing that freedom and equality must mean freedom and equality for all. So far, activities are being planned in 11 states and you can volunteer to plan one in your state!

It will only be one night and is as easy as standing vigil outside a state capital building or attending a public gathering. It's a way that you can stand up and say, my gay and transgender friends matter to me and I want them to be honored and respected. You can use the Get Involved form to sign up or you can email me and I'll make sure someone contacts you (or you can do both!). And of coures, as Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights is a Soulforce and Atticus Circle campaign, any contributions to this grassroots non-profit organizing effort go a long way (You can make a general donation or sponsor a state).

But seriously, why donate when you can stand up yourself ... it's so easy.

I'm excited for you to stand with me!

This Is About Love

I could try to write some eloquent introduction for this video but I could not possibly do it justice. Thank-you Milfred for your contribution to our country, your state, and this important conversation.

Right to Marry comes to a close

The New York Right to Marry campaign is coming to a close. The Northern Route said goodbye to Utica, New York this morning and arrived in New York City not too long ago. Tomorrow brings a day of tying up lose ends, following up with the folks we met along the way, debriefing our experiences, and planning for the future. I'm excited to meet up with the 24 other young adults if only for a day.

As my van traveled through the North Country, we documented our progress and the stories of some of those we met along the way. Some of the Right to Marry participants already shared their thoughts on why marriage is important (here and here) and soon we'll have the stories of New York citizens and couples to share with you too.

For now, here's a look at our time up north: