On Lines In The Sand

With the selection of Rick Warren to give the invocation at the Obama inauguration and the ensuing brouhaha stirring among some advocates of gay rights/equality, I've been stewing on my own position. Here's where I'm at:

Gay people, and gay relationships, are absolutely and unequivocally on equal footing as their straight counterparts. There are many issues that invite healthy and productive debate, this is not one of them. There are not multiple valid perspectives. To denigrate queer identities and relationships is to place oneself opposite of truth, justice, God, and ultimately history. We certainly don't say that there is room for healthy debate around interracial marriage, or the rights of Christians to exist without persecution. As Mel White once said, the *issue* is not up for debate.

But I want the *people* who find themselves on the other side of recognizing my complete humanity as close to me as possible. I want to eat with them, work with them, pray with them.

When the Equality Ride was at Wisconsin Lutheran University, the chaplain (or dean or someone) refused to pray with us. I don't remember his title, but I remember the hurt we all felt. We were ready and willing to pray with them, it wasn't a charade or a stunt. And so I'm ready to eat, to speak, to work, and to pray with Rick Warren. I'm equally ready to call upon Obama to live up to his campaign promises and lead us toward justice for gay and transgender people. I'm ready to show Rick Warren and others who believe similarly how wrong they are by my actions. I'm ready to create a new kind of Christianity--one that takes the words of Jesus seriously and offers real solutions, not mere platitudes about love and service. I'm committed to deep, transformative change; not superficial tokenism. This is a start, it is absolutely not enough.

I've got to believe that Rick Warren can become a fierce ally for LGBT people, his invocation can be the first step. That's change I can believe in.

To Be Or Not To Be

A key component of Soulforce is studying the life and works of Gandhi, King Jr., and other non-violent thinkers and actors. Gandhi famously advised his followers—and the world—to be the change that we wish to see. My friend Shane Claiborne writes that often the saints and world-changers end up relegated to stained glass windows and coffee table books (after they're executed or assassinated, of course). That we want to venerate them safely from a distance. "Be the change" has a nice ring to it, feels good, and makes for a catchy movie tagline. But what does it mean? Do I really want to be the change? The answer changes everything. If I don't, that's fine. I can live a life of detached isolation both from my own problems and the problems around me. There is something to be said for creating a comfortable life and enjoying it with loved ones. I won't fault anyone for deciding against being the change. I ask myself almost daily, is this the life that I want?

But if I decide to be the change I wish to see in the world—if I truly mean it—then everything must change. Being the change is more than believing in myself, or even surrounding myself with like-minded friends. "To be" is both a state of existence and also a verb and "being change" requires making a deliberate effort to do differently than I've done thus far. What does being the change look like?

For Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. there was an inextricable element of sacrifice. "Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable," he said, rather "every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals." When I say "be the change you wish to see in the world," is this what I mean? Am I prepared to struggle and sacrifice for the cause of justice? Is this the choice that I want to make? How will I make those choices today?

In some ways, the answer seems clear to me. Gandhi reminds me that, "The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer of the sacrifice is no sacrifice. Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer and gives him a sense of peace and joy. The Buddha gave up the pleasures of life because they had become painful to him." My cable television, my iPod, my luxury studio apartment have all fallen away as they have become burdens too heavy to bear. I still make daily decisions: what to eat, whether to take the subway, when to upgrade my cellphone, what presents to give my friends and family. I even indulge in luxury—spending on trips, clothes, gifts to myself, upgrades to business class as I travel. I am by no means an ascetic (or even a full-time vegetarian), that would be too easy. Rather, I try, at the very least, to be conscious of the decisions that I make. May I never pontificate about being the change while remaining comfortably complacent. When I need to be comfortably complacent, I should own and in live in that space. I'm going to allow myself that choice, otherwise the choice to "be the change" is not really a choice.

There was a time when I made a choice to sacrifice two months of my life to participate in the Equality Ride. Or even to sacrifice two minutes of my life to send an email to a senator. These are choices for change. Being the change begins in simple decisions. Let me make no illusions, I'm writing this from the business class of an Acela Express train. It was a long weekend, holiday traffic would be rough if I were to take a bus, I have a full week of work ahead of me. I'm choosing to take the train—and a nice one at that. I'm returning to a house in New Jersey where I live with three friends (and pay only $400 each for rent)--I'm choosing to live in community. I commit some hours every week to work with Soulforce NYC, The Simple Way, and Marble Church. In some ways sacrifice, in others, the only way I want it to be--I'm choosing to work for justice. Being the change comes through choices.

As I continue to mull "what comes next" for advocacy around queer issues, I keep coming back to "be the change." I want to "fix" New York State, the Christian church, and the United States of America. Then I want to fix Iran, Africa, and the rest of the world. And I want to tackle poverty and all forms of oppression simultaneously. I want to scheme, to be the mastermind, and to get paid handsomely along the way! But that is not the advice I've been given. I've been asked by Gandhi to simply be the change. Similarly, Dr. Norris in his sermon on 1 John this past Sunday at Fourth Presbyterian Church advised us to hate the sins that we commit, and in doing so, actively repent of them. Be the change, in other words. I commit many sins and in my personal life, I'm going to take explicit stock of them and meditate on ways that I can turn around and change. I'm doing the same in my life as an activist.

• Who have I taken for granted?
• Who have I had too little faith in?
• What assumptions do I continue to carry?
• In my quest for equality, am I stepping on or silencing anyone (including those that I perceive as the opposition)?
• What perspectives am I writing off? Is there anything to learn from them?
• What voices am I not exposed to or am I ignoring?
• How am I insulating or isolating myself from others?
• How am I ostracizing others from myself?

At our meeting last week, Soulforce NYC asked ourselves many of these same questions and committed to chart a new path in our personal lives and in the life of the organization. I invite you to join us next week on Tuesday December 9 at 6:30 PM in Room 401 of the LGBT Center as we continue to bring our commitments to life and embody the vision of justice and equality for all.

May we never quote Gandhi, King, Jesus, or any other saint without choosing to follow their lead.

Humanity Detached From Sanity

An 11-point list of what to do in a terrorist attack,
which starts with "rescue is a myth" and ends with
"kill without hesitation."

Masters programs in Homeland Security
But did the department make us secure?

It is the myth of redemptive violence.

Shopping sprees turned into
Shopping stampedes turned into
Death by shopping
Literally.

It is our consumer culture intensified, as sunlight through a microscope
It is the abuse in our products, laid out for us to see

Prayers to God for blessings and protection on our soldiers
As they kill, maim, and torture
Where are the prayers for their transformation and healing?
When will pray for and support those who want out?
Who will listen to their stories when they return?
How noble of us to "Support the troops" with our slogans and flags,
While we send them to die and to kill
And institutionalize them when they fail to just,
return to normal

Let us beat swords into plowshares and study war no more!

With wars across the world
With an economy in peril
Why are we not stopping to ask, "Why?"
Why is it done this way?

Why do we insist that the way which isn't working
Is the only way?

This is humanity detached from sanity

What will it take?

There is a dynamism between movement inward and movement outward; perhaps an energy and a potential is release in the friction between the two.

Videos, such as this one (hat tip to Brian McLaren), are a reminder. As we learn, how can we not act?



The state of world affairs can be overwhelming. At a small group discussion around The Irresistible Revolution at my church recently, a friend shared that Shane's litany caused him to shut down (he also wondered aloud if it was selective). I'm itching to find small, simple, concrete steps I can take toward justice; and to be honest, a bit scared of what that means for life as I know it.

Here's what I've done recently:
* Invested in three Kiva entrepreneurs
* Talked to friends and co-workers about transgender awareness and bias-based crimes
* Offered support to a new friend who doesn't have a stable housing situation or job
* Donated a small amount to Soulforce Q's international outreach
* Blogged about poverty
* Attended an Ecclesia worship service

Here's what I'd like to do:
* Do a better job of understanding issues facing my friends (around race, homelessness, gender, etc) so that I can be a part of the solution and part of the problem.
* Trace my food and clothing back to its source and make sure I support individuals all along the way
* Call my sister at least once a week just to talk
* Open up my futon to a person in need of a place to sleep at night
* Find a way for our church to open up the building to those sleeping on their steps

Here are some questions I have:
* Is there something inherently condescending/paternalistic about being intentional about "developing relationships with people different than me?" What does different even mean?
* What issues in my own life have I failed to even notice?
* In what ways can I ask and receive help and support from others?
* What are my friends doing that I can join in on?
* What is the motivation behind all of this?

Finding The Next Step

One of my best friends Micah writes today,

i don't want to protest the mormon church.

i don't want to protest city hall (i'll be there on saturday because i think it's important to stand in solidarity and be counted, i just think there are better messaging strategies).

i want to be intentional. i want my actions to make sense. i want to identify and address the source rather than the effects of oppression.

i want connection, narrative, humanity.

vulnerability, integrity, conviction.

i want to do something radical: i want to live my beliefs.

I know that we are both racking our hearts, minds, and souls to find our next steps. There is a part of me that is reacting to a great hurt caused by Proposition 8; but equally there is a recognition that this longing and these next steps are larger than any piece of legislation. My pastor Rev. Lewicki reflected on the movement between inward- and outward-focused energy in the life of faith. It feels as if I'm standing on the edge between inward-focused study, reflection, meditation, and preparation and outward-focused faith in action.

Where are you in life today? Inward-focused or outward-focused? And what do you want? What steps are do you feel called to that are perhaps not the steps you're used to?

What better way to spend a Friday afternoon than with a music video?

Hacking Christianity posted this video and wondered if the ending didn't completely undermine the message. I can't decide if the ending is purposefully vague--leaving us with the reality that we are free to to decide how to react to Jesus's sacrificial death--or if the filmmakers buy into (the myth of) redemptive violence. In either case, the cinematography is beautiful.


Awake O'Sleeper from Brandon McCormick on Vimeo.

When it comes to power, under is never equal

It's a busy day and I do not have time for my own writing today. Hectic work schedule followed by phone banking at the Task Force tonight. However, a post by Mimi Haddad came across my reader that I had to pass along.

Here is a fierce excerpt:

Gender is not the basis upon which authority in marriage or the church is determined. Remember, Paul tells all Christians to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). Wives have authority over their husbands’ bodies, just as husbands have authority over their wives’ bodies (1 Corinthians 7:4). Paul celebrates the spiritual authority of female apostles (Romans 16:1); prophets (1 Corinthians 11:3-5, 1 Corinthians 14:31, Acts 2:17; 21:9); house church leaders (Romans 16:13-15, 40, 1 Corinthians 1:11, 1 Corinthians 16:19, Philemon 1:2, and 2 John 1:1); deacons (Romans 16:1); teachers of the gospel (Acts 18:26); evangelists (Philemon 4:3, Romans 16:3); and those who do the very heaviest of gospel-labor (Romans 16:12). Paul calls others to submit to Stephanas’ entire household (1 Corinthians 16:15-16), including slaves as well as women who were part of this household ministry. Slaves, free, Greeks, Jews, men, women, the educated, and the illiterate shared spiritual authority — as they shared in the risen life of Christ (Galatians 3:27-29). And, this oneness in Christ would one day overturn slavery and the subjugation of women.

What have we become?

I was asked to join the 2008 Equality Riders in Baltimore before they hit the road for some video training, song singing with Micah, and general passing of the torch. They shared much with me. As I follow some of them through blogs and Facebook, removed from the immediacy by a computer screen, observing from a safe distance; my heart aches.

This is Lauren Parke.

She was attempting to enter chapel with students who invited her, to worship with them, and to continue in conversation. When did the Christian faith become mediated by handcuffs instead of prayer, when did the fence replace the communion table?

When did Christians arresting each other become acceptable? And how much longer will it last? It is more heart-breaking every time.

Everywhere, USA

I drove all night long through middle-of-nowhere Montana in a bus with twenty-four people I'd known for less than two months. Only twenty-four hours prior I stood in the freezing rain with winds up to 30 miles-per-hour for hours on end. We were on our way to North Dakota and in twenty-fours, I would be standing with these people in the middle of a small-town war zone: police cars and vans, wire fencing, concrete barriers, mobile command units, an ambulance, evacuation teams on stand-by and two streets closed down. Ellendale, North Dakota has a population of 3,000; this was big.

What could twenty-five young adults do to provoke responses of such intensity? Proclaim an affirming message to queer young people: "God loves and affirms you just as you are!"

This is the Equality Ride.

It's a two month long, cross-country, take it to the streets, non-violent direct action campaign which seeks reconciliation between faith and identity and today the bus sets out for the first school of the third ride. Modeled after the work of Gandhi, King, Jr., and others, the Soulforce Q Equality Ride recognizes misunderstanding and misinformation—not individuals—as the source of homophobia and transphobia. We confront the hurtful teachings which fuel spiritual violence . Liberation comes not only for the gay and transgender people who are finally able to accept and love themselves, often returning to and reclaiming their faith, but also for the former oppressors who are now able to understand their faith more fully.

Some organizations branded us radical gay activists, but I'm not sure if I deserve that title. You see, I'm really rather ordinary. As I was searching for something to do after graduation, I found the opportunity to share my story with America and ask America to learn from me. I had never participated in an advocacy campaign, nor studied queer theology, nor received any training in public speaking, event planning, community organizing, or any of the numerous other fields I would need to master. But that didn't matter. I was enough.

I have an abiding faith that God of this Universe created me with intentionality. And when God created me, God called the creation good. I have not always known what my purpose was, I still don't. I have struggled to make sense of how sexual orientation and gender identity fit into God's creative plan for humanity. I loved the Equality Ride because I was able to move from theory to reality. Anti-gay rhetoric is devastating. It isolates people from their faith, their family and their communities; it destroys integrity when it forces an individual into the closet; it fosters shame and turns people inward; it inhibits the growth of healthy relationships; and it, unfortunately, often manifests itself through violence, against self and inflicted by others onto queer people. As truth creates justice, lives are released. Gay and straight alike are set free to experience faith, love, and healing in powerful ways. The good fruits of affirming theology are evident: reconciliation with family, friends, and community; return to faith; healthy relationships; holistic understanding of self; outward-focused productivity; and the list goes on. The beauty is that these fruits are not for queer people to feast on in isolation, but to share with heterosexuals. When I ask my straight friends to love me, I don't need them to stand up for me; I want them to grow with me.

The Equality Ride showed me that anyone can be an advocate. I did it, you can do it. My journey was across the country but perhaps your journey is down the hall to a co-worker's office, across town to your church, or back home to your parent's house. Or perhaps your journey is getting on the bus. All around the world, people are waiting to be asked to love their gay and transgender friends and family. Let's tell them it's time.

To see this year's riders, visit: www.soulforce.org/2008riders

iTunes Debut

As part of the Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights kick-off, I was invited to speak at Jay Bakker's church, Revolution NYC, which meets in Pete's Candy Store, a bar in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. The sermon, also featuring Rev. Vince Anderson, and Jay, is available as part of Revolution's free iTunes podcast.

Discovering Faith

I mentioned earlier that this year's Equality Ride was perilously close to being canceled. I'm happy to report that it survived the day but it's not out of woods yet. Tens of thousands of dollars were raised in a single day, a emphatic statement that "Yes, we believe in this." I was at Soulforce NYC's monthly meeting tonight and was excited to have Taueret Manu, who will be on this year's ride, join us. She shared that it has been a stressful 24 hours and that she spent a solid portion of today crying. But as a person who does not subscribe to an organized religion, she admitted, "Today, I had a spiritual experience." I felt it too.

As word of the Equality Ride losing a major grant spread, former riders responding swiftly with impassioned Facebook status updates and notes, forwarded email requests, and blog postings.

To even imagine the Equality Ride is absurdity. Take a group of young adults and put them on a bus and send them to the most virulently anti-queer places in the USA and expect change to occur. In 2006 33 young LGBT and allied people decided to imagine justice where it had never been imagined before, and then they watched it materialize. And it happened again--twice--in 2007. All you need to do is show up.

Some of my friends (all Republicans, actually) responded to my email to let me know they'd donated. At our meeting tonight, everyone chipped in--some long time SFers, others for the first time.

Truth, justice, and morality are on the side of liberating the oppressed. In the middle of an economic crisis, Americans are coming together to put young people on a bus and send them to the Deep South to talk about faith, identity, orientation, and race in bold, powerful, and positive ways.

There is a spirit moving, it's exciting to be a part of it. Will you join?

Just One Issue, or No Rights for Faggots Pt. 2

Brandy recently expressed her frustration that acceptance of gay and transgender people as full members of faith and society can be "just one issue" among many that can be intellectually weighed in an assessment of a politician or theologian. "Richard Hays is a brilliant scholar, he's just wrong on this one issue." Barack Obama is an inclusive leader, he's just wrong on this one portion, of this one issue. My pastor from Maryland, Dave, is a great guy, he's just wrong on this one issue.

And we, gay and transgender people, are supposed to give these otherwise nice, smart, insightful, or charismatic individuals a pass. After all, it's just one issue. Theories of economics and governance are debatable. Political and even theological priorities are debatable. The effectiveness of various types of education are debatable. When to repave the local road or how many books to order for the library each year are debatable. My humanity is not up for debate. If we believe that being gay or transgender is not a sin, then to say otherwise is to take what God has made good and to call it sinful. It is to put oneself squarely opposite of God.

I understand there is process involved in understanding sexual orientation and gender identity. It was a long process for me. Some gay people I know are still on that journey. Many straight people are just now being asked to begin the process. I respect that.

But when assessing the spiritual insight of men like Richard Hays, we must firmly and decisively say: His insight to God is fundamentally lacking. When judging Senator Obama's leadership: His insight into the fabric of America and family is fundamentally lacking. When assessing Dave's performance: His ability to pastor is fundamentally lacking. This one issue affects countless number of people in real and immediate ways. For straight people, it is mental assent; for gay people, it is sanity, stability, safety, and often even shelter. It is not just one issue.

In recent days, I've had to deal with the emotional trauma of "this one issue." I found out that one of my best friends' boyfriend is on the wrong side of "this one issue." I was shocked because this friend really gets it. "I don't need to hear it from you, this is hard for me too," was her reply to my dropped jaw. But "hard" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of what this is for me. For her, this is internal dissonance. The values she holds dear in conflict with one she loves. For me this is my ability to marry, to participate in church, to be protected under the law, to exist in society.

She stood with me and heard the man shout "No rights for faggots" and was offended. She told her boyfriend about it and I'm sure he was offended too. How noble of him. But at the end of the day, that's what he believes: No rights for faggots. The man in the van just said it more clearly than this boyfriend, or Richard Hays, or Barack Obama, or Dave has ever expressed.

When you say I love you but refuse to marry me. When you say I love you but you refuse to learn from me. When you say I love you but refuse to protect me. When you say you love me but refuse to stand with me, you're letting the man in the van speak for you, and he's saying "No rights for faggots!"

We must change, for everything must change

It seems I'm on a video on a video kick these past few days. I picked up this vid over at Brian McLaren's blog. It was created from photos taken on the Everything Must Change tour. If there's one thing I took away most from this video it is that if everything must change, we must start changing. Take a look.

Finding the Impossible

In her statement for this year's Equality Ride, Haven Herrin says,

I wish everyone could experience the feeling of going where everyone told you it was not possible and finding nothing but hope and potential once you get there.

As she often does, Haven takes the words right out of my mouth. My time on the Equality Ride was one filled with tremendous hope and change. In the year since, I'm finding hope and potential all the time.

My parents, who in 2006 told me they weren't sure if they would come to my wedding are interested, ask, and even offer advice about who I'm dating (or not dating). Someone close to me who went to Trinity International for undergrad is finally able to love himself and come out to those around him. California takes its place in US history as the second state to open marriage to all individuals, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. My home state Maryland moves closer to marriage equality and my home county has put in place non-discrimination legislation that protects gender identity. And there's a gay couple on daytime soaps! We are blossoming.

I've been blessed with the friendship of another young man from my church who despite being homeless is always joyful and is working towards a full-time job and hopefully soon an apartment of his own.

I have seen my own faith--once starved by legalistic evangelicalism which held out daily Bible readings, church attendance, and alcohol consumption as the barometer of faith--flourish as I continue to discover what it means to follow Christ.

My friends have modeled how to have hope for themselves and to be hope for others. The news predicts doom, the nations plot war, the elders tell us we are naive but I've never been more certain of the power of good, of God, to rise in this world. And as I read and search, explore and discover, I find that I'm not alone in this feeling. The Simple Way and the Potter Street Community in Philadelphia, PA also journey to where others will not and also finding hope and possibility there. Take a look:



To support the Equality Ride, go here. To support The Simple Way, go here.

Want to do more than just give money? Email info@sfnyc.org to get involved with Soulforce locally here in New York (or to get connected with Soulforce in your area). Check out the "Practical Section" of the Simple Way site for things you can start doing yourself or visit Relational Tithe.

And then hurry back here to share your stories of where you're finding hope and possibility in unlikely places and what you're doing to foster that. I'm in serious fact-finding mode right now and am drinking up any stories you've got to share!

What's with the 'tude, dude?

Surfing around YouTube, I found this video with Chuck Colson, Greg Boyd, and Shane Claiborne. What strikes me is that though Shane does not come out and say "It's OK to be gay" his approach to the issue is strikingly different than Chuck Colson's, who immediately associates being gay with AIDS and then dismisses the observation that Christians are described as anti-gay above all else.



I feel drawn to hear more of Shane's thoughts, my stomach turned as Chuck carried on at the end of the video.

What is your Cardboard Testimony?

My friend Sam shared with my yesterday about how his church recently did "Cardboard Testimonies" and today my friend Kelly from Summer Staff witih YoungLife updated her status with a link to the following YouTube video



What would my cardboard testimonies look like?

Ashamed of my love | Loved by the One

Trapped in secrecy | Freed in Christ

Treading water with my faith | Reignited with passion to follow the Lord

Disorienting darkness | Illuminating light

Ability to have meaningful relationships crippled by fear of being gay | God showed me that I am created by God and it is good

Filled my life with parties in college | Filling my life with God today

Always look for ways to make and store up money | Giving away more than ever and finding different sorts of treasures

What do yours look like?

I Eat Meat

Once, I posted the trailer to my movie AFTER I posted the completed video. I'm doing things in a round-about way again. I wrote this post a few days ago but kept it in the Drafts folder because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to post it. It seems now that I've already answered my own question. Still, I learned something about myself in the process of writing this and so I imagine there is value in it, even as I've begun to answer the questions.

-Brian

--

I eat meat. I understand meat production in America as not only violent to those directly involved in the process but as selfishly deflecting resources away from the country's and the world's hungry. I understand all of that and yet tonight I ate a chicken sandwich from Quizno's.

Were the occasional, self-satisfying meat consumption my only shortcoming. As I work to model the life of Jesus, I become painfully aware of how short I've come.

My first time attending The Haven, we remarked that non-Christians and Christians have no noticeable differences when it comes to “being good people.” I serve a holy, strong, merciful, bold, just, courageous, loving, and sacrificing God and yet my atheist friends embody these characteristics just as much as I. When others look at me, do they see a self-obsessed, self-righteous, arrogant young man who views himself and the world through the lens of his own piety? In the tension between freedom and works, do I prefer the latter, have I lost sight of faith? Do I remember Paul's words to the Galatians? “How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” Is faith-guided activism simply an attempt at self-justification, through not only action but through profession of faith?

Perhaps worse still, do I use freedom as a Get Out Of Jail Free card? Have I allowed Paul's reminder that “Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you don't get tied up again in slavery to the law,” to excuse my own shortcomings? For as much as I talk about creating change in my own life, I see an awful lot of the status quo.

In the end, tofu will not be enough. I count on the One who did more than I will accomplish and now it is time, as Jay put it, to Put Up or Shut Up.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with action and in truth. - 1 John 3:18

What will my love look like?

Real Life Examples of Tension Between Works and Grace

Yesterday I wrote about the tension between freedom in Christ and the presence of (and even need for?) works in life. This isn't going to be a long post as I'm rushing off for yet another birthday dinner (gotta love Birth Week) but I think it hits at the heart of the tension.

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God - not the result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life. - Ephesians 2:8

We were created for good works and thankfully have the grace to perform them. I don't work toward righteousness for the sake of my salvation or even self-purification. I've come short too many times for that. Rather, someone else has already done the heavy lifting, I just have to show up and do what I can. And if I can't make the world a better place, that's OK, but that doesn't mean I can't try.

A Short Thought: Freedom from Slavery

As I mull over things to write about, I realize that every post doesn't need to be a masterpiece. And so with that, I will leave you with this thought.

For freedom in Christ has set us free. Stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. - Galatians 5:1

Free indeed. Free to live a life not driven by animalistic urges of violence, domination, revenge, and even unchecked sexuality--as Randy Thomas & Alan Chambers often remind us. But free from the slavery of the world. Free to stand firm against pseudo-religious demands which would have some deny their ability to love, commit, and foster family. Freedom to resist economic and political systems which subject us to the slavery of being a slaveholder. "Come and follow me" can be a scary call, but is liberating in its simplicity. What would Jesus do? Do thus.

My friends look at me and see that I'm a vegetarian, that I give money to my church, that I try to volunteer with non-profits, and other "demands" in my life. They sometimes ask if I'm not operating out of obligation. I had a similar conversation with my mother recently in which I said "I don't have to do anything, if I had to do everything it would be overwhelming, in fact I can't do everything. I get to do what I can do, what I feel called to do, what I see needs to be done. And I can trust that is enough." I once heard it said "Reconciliation is easy. Christ did the hard part, all we have to do is enter into it."

Life is good.

Personal Experiments

As I set out to read Gandhi's autobiography, subtitled “The Story of My Experiments With Truth,” I find myself asking many questions. What does it mean to be a person of faith? What does it mean to be a member of the global community? How does that relate to family relationships and local communities? What does it mean to be a man, a human? What does it mean to be queer? How does one practice non-violence in daily life? Is non-violence the solution? Is it a path? What would Jesus do? What does justice look like? How does one foster truth and create justice.

Gandhi viewed his life as a series of experiments. Experiments with nonviolence, with diet, with celibacy. Experiments in creating personal change and spreading social change. This idea of experimentation resonates with me. Conversations I had over many months led me to understand the impact of diet, demand, and food processing on not only the environment but on the economy and ability to deal with poverty. I was not an overnight convert. As I strive to maintain a vegetarian diet, I find myself not living up to that ideal. “Stumbling”, “slipping”, “falling” are Christianese words I might have used in the past.

Is perfection possible? Perhaps the lens I should look through is not purity. Let's be honest, one person's vegetarian diet is not going to end the abuse of creation nor solve global hunger. When I understand my pursuit to be one of many experiments, the weight is lifted a bit. I have some breathing room.

In April, I made the decision to work toward a vegan diet. Having been a vegetarian for almost a year, it was not hard to begin removing the remaining animal products from my diet. Life happened. A series of stresses, increasing time away from my apartment and ability to cook for myself, lots of travel. I cracked. A pretty gross “chicken” sandwich at Roy Rogers was my undoing. There are so many problems in the world: US wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, violence across the global, a food crisis, global hunger, rising gas prices, domestic party, the second-rate treatment of LGBT people. And a chicken sandwich the only option unless I want to skip dinner or subsist on french fries. Great.

A chicken sandwich is not the end of the world. Yes, there are many problems inherent in the meat industry. But at that moment, I was juggling too many other experiments. Experiments in social justice for LGBT people and a reawakening that I—as a privileged member of Western society—have much to account for when it comes to my, perhaps indirect, subjugation of the world to my desires.

The seas have settled. I have centered myself and my advocacy around queer issues in New York City. I am educating myself around poverty, hunger, and homelessness issues. I'm preparing for studies and service. With those experiments in balance, I can return to my experiment with a vegetarian diet. Why adopt such a diet? What are the benefits? And more importantly, what are the costs? Are there unintended consequences? How do I balance a desire to reject violence and excess with the risk of indulging in what CS Lewis describes as a new kind of gluttony... a gluttony of “moderation” made to order through imposition?

I don't know. Perhaps a vegetarian diet isn't the answer. Perhaps non-violence is untenable. Perhaps the critics are correct and religion is not a force for good in the world. Perhaps.

In experimentation I have the freedom to be unsure. To test, to observe, to analyze and to adjust.

In what ways have you experimented?