not that guy

I just read D's post over at (Not So) Straight from Seminary and somehow it was just what I needed to hear tonight. It has been a fruitful two days at Carnegie Mellon (more on that later, I promise) but somehow I feel a little off as I relax on the couch in my suite. D's post helped me think about that feeling and I left the following comment:

Thank you for sharing. I happened onto Soulforce's Equality Ride because after one more conversation with my parents I realized that they weren't changing because I wasn't asking them to change and in the ensuing fit of "I must simply be myself" I applied. And I had personal connections. And I was in. And all of the sudden I realized I wasn't an activist. That I let other people plan the rallies, and teach the talking points. But there I was in a hotel conference room in Austin, Texas. And before long I was in the middle of anti-gay colleges around the country. And I keep thinking to myself "I am just a regular guy from Maryland who got frustrated at his parents one day and applied on a whim and got accepted and decided to trust in God's plan." And now I live in New York City, and I'm out at work, and the past two days I've spent at Carnegie Mellon University as someone they brought in for Pride Month. And I see myself in the mirror and I don't understand. I am not that guy. I am not an activist. I am just a 22 year old boy from Maryland who wants to find love and be loved and exist and serve God and serve others. But here I am. And that is what I'm doing. And I don't know how because I've never been that guy, but I guess I should start realizing that maybe I am. It was an intense day for me... this was just what I needed to make falling asleep tonight a little easier.

I'm happy to know there's another one out there. And maybe in our own ways we can--sometimes willfully, sometimes begrudgingly--be that guy and that girl together.

Arriving at CMU

I just got checked in to my suite near Carnegie Mellon University and am waiting for one of the hosts to come pick me up for our dinner tonight which is cohosted by the Allies program and the Office of Religious Life. I am excited to bring these two groups of people together and get them thinking about how to move forward together. After that, I'll be doing networking some of the Allies folks before "the big day" tomorrow. I was able to compose my thoughts on the flight down and I know that it will go well.

Who would have ever thought that'd I'd be sitting at a table in the living room of a suite near a nationally recognized college for a speaking engagement? I certainly didn't. Life takes you in the most exciting of places.

Yesterday was spent frantically procuring grad school (read: divinity school and seminary) applications and information packets. I remember when I was younger how I felt like a life someway in "the ministry" was the only one I could imagine. I allowed those dreams to be hijacked by anti-gay ideology in the church and count myself blessed to found my way.

It seems they were right when my Sunday school teachers told me that the Lord never gives up.

Take 5 is all grown up

I was watching the USC game this Saturday with the NYC Trojan Alumni Club when I saw this:



I almost died.

Chris had to ask "Didn't you start that show?" because I was too busy being dumbstruk. I'm so proud. To be fair, I merged two pre-existing (awesome) shows that I was already producing. Thankfully co-creator/co-executive producer Justin is still at SC running it all solo now. Glad to see we're still kicking butt!

Get Passionately Pink with qubo!

qubo, the bilingual children’s television I work for, is participating in Passionately Pink for the Cure, a campaign to raise both funds and awareness for breast cancer research. Breast cancer has touched my life in personal ways, affecting close friends and family friends.

qubo is going Passionately Pink for the Cure on October 31 and you can join us. Go to our team page, donate at least $5, and make sure to wear pink on October 31. We'll send you a pink button and some sweet qubo shwag.

You can talk about breast cancer, the campaign to raise money, and just generally make a statement by creating a sea of pink in your school, office, church, or community group. Take a picture of your pink outfit and send in stories of how you're changing the world by changing your clothes.

I was busy preparing for our season-end board meeting and thus am sadly not in this picture:(

Visit http://www.komendonations.org/site/TR/Events/KomenTR?team_id=64791&pg=team&fr_id=1040 right now to get on board!

2 Days Until Coming Out

In anticipation of National Coming Out Day, GLAAD released this PSA featuring T.R. Knight from Grey's Anatomy. Enjoy!

TR Knight: National Coming Out Day PSA

And check out this other great promo featuring a slew of actors from popular ABC television shows.

ABC Allies & Friends

Isaiah 66:5

Casey Pick sent this verse out to all of the Right to Marry participants along with a California update. It seemed like something I should pass along...

Hear the word of the Lord, you who tremble at his word. "Your brothers who hate you, and exclude you because of my name, have said 'let the Lord be glorified, that we may see your joy!' Yet they will be put to shame." Isaiah 66:5

Silent T

One step at a time

We built my couch! First piece of furniture = installed.

for the BIBLE tells me so

In the oldest Protestant church in North America, they clapped and clapped and clapped. And then they stood, and clapped some more.

Speaking Up

I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, DC and went to school at USC in Los Angeles. I thought I was insulated from anti-gay thinking. All of my friends were immensely supportive when I came out and my social circle has always included a mixing of gay and straight people.

When my roommate Ryan came home one night in 2006 shaken up with a scratched face, I was confused and concerned. While walking down the street with his boyfriend and our straight-identified friend, Chris, a rowdy group of guys heckled at them from a porch. They threw a beer bottle and taunted them "Where you fags going?" Ryan told them to mind their own business and the three of them continued on their way. I'm told that the next thing Ryan knew he was pushed to the ground. Chris was sucker-punched in the face before Ryan's boyfriend was able to insert himself as a human shield in the shuffle. They managed to walk away and some level-headed party-goers called the guys back in to the party.

I realized that even in Los Angeles, I'm still not safe.

Six months later as I walked through downtown Kansas City with a few friends I noticed myself flinching away from boyfriend's hand as we approached other people. It took a very conscious effort on my part to keep hold of my boyfriend's hand. As we passed straight couples I knew they weren't thinking about their interactions. They didn't have to be brave to walk down the street hand-in-hand.

I wait for the day when society will understand and appreciate all of its members, but in the meantime, I am thankful for legislation that seeks to root out the community terror which bias-based crimes create.

Share your story for why Hate Crimes legislation is important to you at Stop the Hate.

Updates from Jena

Donna Payne is the associate director for diversity at HRC.

-----Original Message-----
From: Donna Payne Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 10:31 AM
Subject: Re: Update in Jena

Jeffrey Johnson, activist from BET said District Atty Walters spoke to them yesterday to justify why they couldn't let Mychal out. He said it was a potential harm that might occur. Jeffrey Johnson said that Walters (DA) pulled the white youth out for press, talking about he was the victim and not to forget the victim. That was a emotional scare tactic used for press, Jeffrey Johnson stated. He asked if Walters was a psychic - since he knew what was going to happen if he was released! Ricky Smiley (black Christian comedian) spoke and asked where were the big bishops of black churches? The ones that were with the Faith Based Intiative, and fighting for the gay marriage amendment. Something that has nothing to do with us, he said.

There was loud clapping.

There is a break now with Christian music being played. Much Christian music is being played!
--------------------------
-----Original Message-----
From: Donna Payne Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 10:55 AM
Subject: Re: Update in Jena

Jesse Jackson has taken the stand. He told us that we are getting ready to march. He wants us to be calm. In the last MLK march in Memphis, before he was killed -rocks were thrown at marchers to provoke them. He wants us to not be distracted. He said we are marching against Federal Hate Crimes. It is not about Jena, but this happens across the country. He has asked that the white and black parents come together. The white parents wanted to talk to him, but they were encouraged not to do this. He says we will take reconciliation over confrontation. Everyone repeats this. Jesse, said we need healing, but we must take glass out of the wound. He puts stories from the Bible to tie it in. He said God will see us through. We will rise. It gets dark sometimes, but who do we fear? We will march until Jena 6 is free. Rise up, fight up, stand up. WEEPEING MAY ENDURE FOR Now, but joy comes in the morning. Leave Jena and go back and fight for all crimes.

I am inspired! I am ready to march! Everyone is ready. They chant: Keep Hope Alive! Stop the violence in FL, NY, MS. Let justice flow like a mighty stream.

Everyone screams! It is time to go!
--------------------------

I don't know what else I could possibly add.

A Disappointing Day in Maryland

I read the news coverage four times. I had thought for certain that the Court of Appeals, the highest court in my home state of Maryland, would agree with a Baltimore judge's decision that barrring citizens from the institution of civil marriage based on gender is wrong. The decision has been pending for much longer than usual and I allowed myself to think they were working out the kinks of what would surely be a high-profile decision.

I was let down by the decision they handed down.

In a split 4-3 decision, the court ruled that gay and lesbian couples are not entitled to marriage. They did, however, point out that the General Assembly could grant it to them anyway. In his dissent, Justice Raker has this to say:

“It cannot be argued that same-sex couples are not denied significant benefits accorded to heterosexual couples. It is clear that there are significant differences in the benefits provided to married couples and same-sex couples in the areas of taxation, business regulation, secured commercial transactions, spousal privilege and other procedural matters, education, estates and trusts, family law, decision-making regarding spousal health care, insurance, labor and employment, child care and child rearing, pensions, and the responsibilities attendant to spousal funeral arrangements.”

I now place my trust in the Maryland lawmakers, that they will recognize this inequality and swiftly rectify it. And I trust the people of Maryland will not stand for anything less. It is moments like this that make contacting your representatives or standing up for equal rights even more important.

Human Requirements

The Point may or may not be the blog I read the most and I think that reflects on my own space as well. Since Gina Dalfonza took this Robert Heinlein quote from The Corner in the first place, I don't feel bad about taking it from her.

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher
a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a
wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act
alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer,
cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for
insects.

I think I agree.

Slaves to men

A recent trip to the Apple Repair Center made me realize exactly how enslaved I am. It will cost $800 - $1200 to repair my MacBook Pro. That's close to two weeks worth of pay. 10 days of my life. Eighty hours of my time. Assuming I didn't have other expenses such as a monthly rent, daily food, cell phone charges.

I'm already not getting cable and internet in my apartment, do I take the ultimate plunge and go without a computer? But I have editing to do which requires the computer ... do I need to do editing?

Have such a large bill dropped in my lap suddenly makes the connection between my time, my work, and money so much more apparent. I realized that I don't have much freedom at all.

And how can I change that? Move to the country? Grow my own food? Make my own clothes? How can I still be a part of society while attempting to maintain autonomy? Is it possible? I want it to be.

What is a fact?

The Associated Press reports that the kilogram is shrinking. Granted, it's only 50 micrograms smaller than averages of others around the world but it presents an interesting question: what are facts? And is the kilogram shrinking or are all the others one growing larger? If we can't even get a definite handle on a small cylindrical mass how can we think that we actually understand anything?

Public Privacy

It's a typical Thursday morning. I put my sunglasses on as I leave the house, pop in my earbuds and turn on my iPod, and walk a few blocks to the subway. I go down the stairs and take my place by the tracks. I try to smile at the person standing next to me. Then I fish out my book from my bag. Right now I'm reading another C.S. Lewis book, occasionally I pull out the latest version of The Advocate. The train comes, I manage to find a spot; sometimes standing, sometimes sitting. I smile at my new subway mates and if the train lurches or takes a fast corner, I will occassionally make a comment or two to the people standing near me. I try to be friendly.

Today was different. As I stood on the subway, music playing so loudly I couldn't hear any of the sounds around me, I noticed a passenger who looked surprisingly like my fellow Equality Rider Cray. I wondered to myself what Cray was up to. Then I wondered what this guy was up to. Was he anything like Cray? Where did he work? To my left stood a young man in a baseball cap, also wearing earphones. To my right were two guys with dress shirts, one read a newspaper, other listened to music. The woman in front of me sipped Starbucks while watching something on a portable media player. They all have lives and stories and even though I'm so close to them, I know nothing about them. And we've all setup our private sanctuaries in the middle of the bustling New York City subway.

A Milestone in Iowa

“Couples, such as Plaintiffs, who are otherwise qualified to marry one another may not be denied licenses to marry or certificates of marriage or in any other way prevented from entering into a civil marriage…by reason of the fact that both persons compromising such a couple are of the same sex.”
-- Judge Robert B. Hanson

An Iowa district court handed down a decision acknowledging that the right to marry is a right that extends to all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation. They also acknowledged taht Iowa's current law limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples is unconstitutional. Kudos to the justices who deliberated on this case and I hope that Iowa Supreme Court will also uphold this basic human right.

The Polk County recorder has already begun issuing marriage licenses to couples and of course the plaintiffs were amongst the first to fill out an application.

CNN, Windy City Times, and Post-Bulletin report.

Insights from a great mind

"Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs--to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. [...] He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles."
-- Screwtape
from C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters

An unexpected start to work

As I sat at my desk this morning, reading over the stacks of paper required of new employees and signing off on countless agreements, guidelines, handbooks, and policies, I was struck with something I wasn't expecting to find at 11:00am, thirty-two stories above New York City: marriage equality really matters.

After I read through the distinctions between part-time and full-time employees and the amount of paid vacation alloted per year, I got to the section on bereavement leave:

The policy covers the death of the employee's spouse, child(ren), parents, parents-in-law, brothers, sisters, and grandparents.

If I were to have a husband someday soon (and I hope to have one!), under existing laws he wouldn't legally be considered my husband. Would I have to work those days or worry about losing my job?

But full equality goes beyond creating and enforcing laws, what really matters is creating a society that honors and respects all its citizens. When I got to the sections describing how hiring and promotion decisions are based solely on merit and not prejudicial characteristics, I felt a pit in my stomach as I read over the non-discrimination policy:

race, color, religion, sex, national origin, age, disability, or any other
characterstic protected by law.

I gave a sigh of relief to know that in New York state, sexual orientation is protected in employment non-discrimination (and gender identity too!), but not only did I feel as if the company was only including me because they were compelled by law to do so, I also realize realize that my work has offices and stations around the country in places that don't have protective legislation. What about those people?


I'm sure that today will be only one of many days when I will come face-to-face with the very real differences between my rights and responsiblities and those of my straight American counterparts. I look forward to the day when such occurences are memories of the distant past, but they won't become a part of the past unless we work in the present to change things.

As a queer person, I can only do so much. Which is why I'm excited by Soulforce's latest campaign, Seven Straight Nights For Equal Rights, which empowers and emboldens straight Americans to take up the banner of LGBT equality, knowing that freedom and equality must mean freedom and equality for all. So far, activities are being planned in 11 states and you can volunteer to plan one in your state!

It will only be one night and is as easy as standing vigil outside a state capital building or attending a public gathering. It's a way that you can stand up and say, my gay and transgender friends matter to me and I want them to be honored and respected. You can use the Get Involved form to sign up or you can email me and I'll make sure someone contacts you (or you can do both!). And of coures, as Seven Straight Nights for Equal Rights is a Soulforce and Atticus Circle campaign, any contributions to this grassroots non-profit organizing effort go a long way (You can make a general donation or sponsor a state).

But seriously, why donate when you can stand up yourself ... it's so easy.

I'm excited for you to stand with me!

New York City

Even though qubo was gracious enough to give me five-weeks off after stopping work in LA and resuming work in New York City, I managed to consume all but a few days of that with the Right to Marry Campaign, my Epic Journey Into Adulthood across the country with Meilee, my cousin's wedding, and of course catching up with all of the Potomac crew.

I was able to get a studio in a beautiful building in Long Island City, but unfortunately the lease doesn't begin in until September 7. An old friend from USC has an extra room in her apartment in Brooklyn which I was planning on moving into for interim until some friends in the new building found out last minute they'd be able to let me crash there.

As I went back to the Brooklyn apartment near Prospect Park, some 45 minutes from my Manhattan, to fetch my belongings I couldn't help but feel a sense of privilege. I was lucky enough to have friends in nice neighborhoods where I could stay. I didn't have to shop in stores where the cashiers are in the back to help prevent robbery. I didn't have to live where cabs won't drive. I'm sure a lot of people in this neighborhood are there because they want to be there. It's a heavily Jamican area and I felt a strong sense of community. In fact, I got more "hello"s and "how are you doing"s from strangers in the short times I was there than the rest of my time in Manhattan. Still, graffiti and stalled cars line the alley while buildings sit in disarray. It's not the way I would want to live ... and I got out. It seemed like I was running away.

As I travel about the city via subway, I'm reminded of what Amy B-M once said. That to truly experience a city you can't just drive around in it, you have to walk, take buses, and ride the subway. This is the first time I've lived in a place where I have been able to do that. I already understand what she means. I wonder what I would've learned if I stayed in Brookyln for those three weeks. But at the same time, would I just be paying understanding lip-service? With a degree from USC under my belt, a home in Potomac only a few hour away, and friends with posh apartments who could come fetch me, would I ever really understand?

I don't know, but I'd like to find out. I'd like to do understand not so I can pat myself on the back for a job well done or so I'll have a good story to tell around the dining room table. But so I can learn something I didn't know before. I've already learned that it's not that hard to ask a stranger how they are and really mean it, I wonder what else is waiting for me to learn out there.


More on qubo, the apartment, adventures with new friends, and of course the Epic Journey later. For now, I'm going to fall asleep listening to Rufus Wainwright, looking at the Manhattan skyline from across the river, and digesting my tofu stir fry. It was a good day.