Thinking for the first time

I sit in my own apartment, in Los Angeles, California. I am no longer in a crowded room of people. I no longer call a bus my home. Tonight I will sleep completely alone, tomorrow I will not have any responsibilities.

I remember the day I first read the Equality Ride website: I sat in my parent's house, on my childhood bed and thought "I could do this." I wasn't sure if I would or if I should... but I did. And it has made all the difference. I look back at that person and it is just a dull reflection of who I am today. 53 amazing individuals have shaped and reformed me into something more brilluant than I could have ever planned. I look back at the past two months, remembering all that has happened, and I know that I have not even begun to fully process the experience.

I remember being barred from University of Notre Dame property for life
I remember being told "Get thee behind me Satan" by a pastor
I remember suicides ignored
I remember students silenced
I remember long days
I remember fruitful conversations
I remember presentations and class visits
I remember hot meals
I remember cold faces
I remember standing ovations
I remember accusations of "disordered"
I remember "abuse" "pedophile" "drug addict" "alcoholism" "addictions" "promiscuity" "depression"
I remember many "thank-yous"
I remember too many goodbyes
I remember "The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality, the opposite of homosexuality is holiness"
I remember late night, early mornings, and the desire to do it all over again
I remember fences
I remember "Keep out" signs
I remember the wind and the rain and the cold
I remember God

I remember living.