Uncomfortable Anxiousness

With the California Supreme Court decision for marriage equality less than an hour away, I am uncomfortably anxious. In the past weeks, I have responded that I am "cautiously optimistic" when asked my thoughts on the case. Soon, I will be either excited or disappointed.

Having spent four years in California, I feel invested in this decision. As with the Maryland court case, I am reminded of the interesting position I find myself. Men and women I do not know will determine the validity of my relationships. Ability to form long-term relationships, affect on children, influence on the political climate ... very personal parts of my life are up for public debate.

It is uncomfortable for me and in that uncomfortable place I find strength. It is uncomfortable for the "Arab looking" man who is always stopped at airport security. It is uncomfortable for the black youth getting suspicious glances from subway patrons. It is uncomfortable for the female presidential candidate who is called a conniving bitch while all the men are bold and determined leaders.

And so today, I will not let this decision define me. If it is positive, I will celebrate and if it is negative, I will take a moment to grieve. But always I will continue striving for a world in which justice rolls down like water.