Election Day Reflections: Prop 8

I have an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach and it's not from the street food I just ate. This is not the first time anti-gay measures and amendments have been on the ballot, it may not even be the last. This time it hits closer to home. I've lived in California, in many ways I still have a life in California. But I think, even more than that, it feels like this current bliss may have been nothing more than a cruel joke.

I can't help but think of my friends Diana and Robin, as each "Yes" or "No" ballot drops in piles next to their altar, millions crashing their wedding reception to offer unwanted toasts or jests.

As the residents of California are being asked to vote on every relationship I've had and every one I might form, I have to ask myself "Am I on trial?" It's like being on Survivor or Big Brother or something ... will we be voted off the island? Of course, I don't weigh in my parent's marriage, or my cousin's, or John McCain's, or even Bradgelina's lack thereof. But today strangers thousands of miles away are weighing in on mine. They're telling me whether I will be safe and secure should I return, they're telling me how many of my close friends will be treated. It's weird.

My married friends will continue to be married in their hearts, families, and communities regardless of what happens today. How awful is that--that I need to remind myself that stripping rights from millions of citizens won't completely destroy them? Thousands of couples currently married in California may have that whisked away from them. Friends, my friends, my married friends making a life together, finally recognized and supported by the state may have the rug pulled out from under them. ... But they will be strong and persevere. We will support them anyway, I will support them.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act. Confident that Prop 8 will be defeated? Defiant that a law can't undo my humanity? Embarrassed that our country in general and my former state in particular are even considering this measure? Scared that it might pass? Anxious that my relationship is on the line?

Perhaps in this moment I am supposed to find strength and faith. Strength to make sure this doesn't happen in other states. Strength to support my friends regardless of outcome. Strength to trust myself and my relationships. Strength to have tough conversations. And faith to know that whatever the outcome, I am good.